Wish Fulfillment

I'm trying very hard to model calm, non-violent, yet disciplined behavior to my daughter. This is difficult on many levels:

1. I am not disciplined.
2. Every time she pulls my hair now, she immediately wags her finger at me, knowing what's coming, and it's so damned hard not to laugh. But honestly! If she knows she's going to get the finger wag, how does she not know NOT TO DO IT???? Where have I gone wrong?
3. Have I mentioned Sugar thinks her own name is NO? And that she's imbued with just way too much energy? And that she gets between me and the baby whenever I say NO, even if it bowls over the baby or means jumping on my head? Have I mentioned this?

So it was the end of a long day. I'd completely mucked up the baby's schedule such that she had lunch at 2:30, didn't fall asleep for her nap until 4, didn't wake up from said nap until 6:30, didn't get dinner until 8, and then finally got a bath at 8:30 and I thought What the hell, let's just keep her up til Daddy gets home.

At around 9:15, I'm on the floor with Kiki. She pulls my hair then we wag our fingers at each other and say NO and Sugar bounds in between us and WILL NOT GO AWAY and I just gritted my teeth trying not to beat the dog because how am I supposed to teach Kiki nice touches while at the same time squashing a dog's muzzle?

Don't call PETA. I'm not like that, honestly. I just THINK it.

Anyway, I decide it would be best for EVERYONE involved if Sugar spent some time outside on the tether. As I fastened it to her collar, I muttered to her, "Do me a favor and run away."

At 9:30 Kipp came home. I griped about Sugar and suggested HE let her in because I didn't even want to LOOK at her.

Sugar. Was. Gone.

Gone.

No dog on the tether.

No dog in the yard.

No dog responding to us banging blinds or yelling for her.

Kipp got in the car and drove around looking for her. No luck. We spent the next hour or so -- an eternity! -- checking outside in the front, in the back, every 10 minutes, hoping she'd come back. I wailed in the night, tears streaming down my face, that I WAS KIDDING! YOU STUPID MUTT! COME HOME!

Okay. That was internal monologue but the tears were real.

Finally, she came home. All smug and bouncy and happy as a dog can be.

Stupid mutt.

It took Kipp 15 minutes to pry her out of my body hug.