What have you done for me lately?

So I took Chris to the ENT this last week because like his daddy, he has an earwax problem. His earwax is so built up that it's affected his hearing. So Kiki and I sat and watched him be lowered on a Star Trek captain's chair (circa Kirk) so the ENT could poke a telescope into his ear and prod at it with a pick, a vaccum, and God knows what else.

Kiki and I were fascinated.

Turns out that she couldn't get any of it out, so she sent us home with a prescription for ear drops and strict instructions to NOT USE Q-TIPS EVER OH MY GOD DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT IT ARE YOU CRAZY? As we were following her out, she motioned Chris over to a display of hard candy, suckers, and stickers. "Help yourself," she told him, "and take some for your sister, too, if you like."

Now Chris has lived with only one sister his entire life, up until two years ago, and while he knows Kiki is his sister, I don't think it's exactly sunk in like it has with Bri. I mean he loves to show her off to his friends -- not even kidding. The first thing he says to any of his friends that come over is, "Come meet Kiki! Let's play with her for a bit." -- but the exact relationship to her? Not quite cemented.

So he made a face at me when the ENT told him this and asked me, "Why should I get HER anything? What has she done for me lately?"

Which made me giggle, which I choked on when I caught the look on the ENT's face, and so I had to sober up and say, "She's not talking about Bri. She's talking about Kiki." Because I am an Uber Parent who giggles when her kids are rude to each other. Obviously.

Realization dawned on Chris's face, and he immediately back-tracked, asking me what sticker and/or candy Kiki would like because OF COURSE he would share with KIKI. Which only made me want to giggle harder. I think the ENT was ready to call DFS on my ass.

So we have Bri and Chris this weekend. On the weekends as their dad sleeps in, they usually race downstairs once they know I'm up to see who gets to play on his computer first. I'm quite used to this by now, but there are mornnings when I'm EXTREMELY GRUMPY and I tell 'em to go play in the street.

No, I don't. I tell 'em to go get breakfast. And then bathe. And then by that time I've pleasanted out a bit and can be cordial and gracious.

This morning however only Bri came down. My kitchen was a mess -- Kipp would have cleaned it before he went to bed IF I HAD ASKED HIM TO but because I didn't ask, HE DIDN'T DO IT (am I ranting a little?) and Kiki had woken up SCREAMING and soaked completely through to her bed and I was, you know, grumpy.

Bri proceeded, quietly and without being asked or instructed, to put up all the barriers in the living room. Then she took Kiki out of her playpen, set her loose, made sure she had tv and toys to occupy her, then came into the kitchen and helped me make breakfast. NO LIE!

And when breakfast was ready, Chris came down and the first words out of his mouth were, "Can I play on the computer? I know, I know after breakfast right?"

And I said, "You know what, Bri's been down here since I got up, helping me out with breakfast and Kiki, and she hasn't said one word about the computer but I bet she wants to get on it. So, for all her help and stuff, she gets to go first."

Because I am an Uber Parent.

And because Bri is an Uber Sister, she added, "I didn't ASK because I thought it would be RUDE." Which is funny because although I think Bri knows the technical definition of rude, she certainly doesn't understand the practical application of it, i.e., the girl cannot NOT be rude to save her life.

I digress from the POINT OF MY STORY.

This afternoon I had to run out and do errands, the last of which was picking a friend up from the airport. I left still grumpy with Kipp and with Chris and with being a mom in general because of all the attitude I get when I instruct someone to do something that actually helps me out and rarely RARELY does anyone just step up and do shit for me, which made me feel all glowy glowy about Bri, so I stopped and got her beef jerky, her favorite treat.

And NOTHING for ANYBODY ELSE.

And then being Bri, she went and got herself in trouble before I got home because she stayed out later than she was supposed to without checking in for lunch. I got this update over the phone while I was coming back with my friend from a VERY GRUMPY Kipp who had the Stern Father Going To Rain Heck On His Errant Child voice going.

I immediately told him that I was giving her bag of beef jerky REGARDLESS and I was going to make a BIG production of it, and he started to argue with me until I told him WHY and then he grudgingly backed down because he knows. He KNOWS. He's just lazy. (Like I am, but this isn't about me right now.)

(Wait, it's always about me.)

So I did. I came home, I gave Bri the jerky in front of the household, with the big kudo speech as to why, and when Chris said it wasn't fair and even KIPP said, "Did you get me anything?" I responded...

WHAT have you done for ME lately?

Because I am not just an Uber Parent, I am a grown-up.

PS I got LOTS of stuff for Kiki though. Gluten free stuff. More about that in the next post.