Kids' TV

I've been watching a lot of Nickleodeon lately, and I've decided Dora the Explorer makes me nervous.

Don't get me wrong. I think it's great that there are still kids' tv shows striving to teach their junior audiences some Spanish. I applaud the imaginative presentation of different geographical types to stimulate young minds into making up their own games of exploration into jungles and swamps and rainforests and whatnot.

It's even quite fascinating that she feels the need to traverse those places even though she's fully aware that they're all inhabited by ravenous crocodiles, rabid squirrels, flesh-eating spiders, and Rodents of Unusual Size. Run from those cheetahs in your imaginatation games! I know I did when I was a kid! (Actually, I was always the cheetah.)

The only thing is, I'm not quite comfortable with my daughter picking up the belief that with a pocketful of cookies, a half-hearted Hokey Pokey move, and a goofy song of one word is somehow arsenal enough to save her from being devoured (or worse) by the diverse collection of deadly beasties she's certain to encounter.

What do they expect from me? That I have time in my day to counter every episode of Dora the Explora with an episode of Bindy the Jungle Girl? My God, I've never even watched Bindy the Jungle Girl. What if she expresses the same devil may care attitude about wild critters? Where do I find the time to research what show will counter Dora's daft teaching about how to deal with wild animals? And then what show do I use to counter whatever goofy flaw that show will have?

Will my daughter end up watching tv 24/7? Will I turn into one of those parents I used to laugh at, who writes stiffly irritated letters to network execs complaining that their program selection smells ever so slightly of devil worship?

Tune in tomorrow for another thrilling episode of....