Oh! The Screaming

Okay, I confess to a certain amount of smugness that Kiki knows her mommy and prefers being held by her mommy. I admit that even from the beginning, if anyone was holding her when she began to fuss, even if that someone was Kipp and I was supposed to be napping or working 2 rooms away, I'd suddenly be hovering, ready to take the baby and comfort her.

So now maybe it's my fault that she no longer just fusses when she's done being held by someone other than mommy. Because now, even if she's all smiles to begin with, if Kiki knows I'm nearby, and she's being held by someone, after a few minutes or so, she will suddenly scrunch up her cute little face and SCREAAAAAAAAAAM and WAAAAAAAIIIILLLL and yes, even hold her breath.

It's getting bad. Just tonight, I was cuddling her, and needed to get up to do something, so I handed her to Kipp to get some cuddle time. She was all smiles and happy, and he was bouncing her on his chest, and kissing her, just like I do, and he gave her this long smooch on her cheek, and suddenly she just lost it. She did the silent wail thing where she was just holding her breath, and I'm all frantically telling Kipp, "Blow on her! Blow on her!" So he blows in her face, and she catches her breath, and she just screams and screams....

And Mommy scooped her up, and comforted her until she stopped wailing. It was almost like she was in actual physical pain, but we couldn't figure out what it was, and then she just soothed off just fine, so it wasn't a lasting internal pain or anything. I figure Kipp must've poked her with a whisker or something. Or she just got over tired. Or she's so completely a Mommy's girl that she just isn't happy unless I'm holding her.

Which -- can't be good, right? I mean I'm not going to pretend I'm completely flattered beyond measure and all but... I never wanted her to be inconsolably bound to me, you know? I can't believe for a minute that that's healthy. I know right now she's an infant, she can't take care of herself, so it makes sense that her parents would be the center of her little universe, but that position should be a shared one that gets bigger and bigger as she gets older, and suddenly at 4 months, it seems like that center has suddenly shrunk to the size of One Mommy.

So I've been trying to search the web for information about this, but nothing so far. I'll keep looking. I'm sure it's a normal and transitional stage, but in the meantime... I feel guiltier than ever if I'm even out of her eyesight.

In other ways, she's just so utterly -- I don't know a single word for it, but she definitely knows what she wants. When she's tired and wants to be cuddled until she sleeps, she does NOT want to be cradled anymore. She wants to be sitting up. Sometimes, she wants to be propped up in such a way that she can stare at my face and play with my lips and nose, and other times, she wants to lie her back against my chest and stare out at the room. Either way, lately this is the only way she will settle down while being cuddled.

We've been watching LOTR on tv this weekend, and it strikes me was I watch the end (again) how I've always believed the true hero of the whole piece is always Sam, from beginning to end. He's also the most unchanged character, from beginning to end, which makes him slightly booooring.

And everybody laughs too much at the end. Ho ho ho ho ha ha ha ha ho ho... Ya'll are faking it. I can tell a fake laugh ANYWHERE. Goobs. If I were in their place, I'd just want to drink. A LOT. Give me a bed and a keg, dammit.

Sam and Frodo are sooooo special friends, if you know what I mean. It's guy love.