Ironic

We've been having an ongoing argument in the household as to what constitutes irony. To annoy me further, the Mr. has taken to ending each heated debate by singing the Alannis Morrisette song that sparked the debate in the first place. Three years ago, mind you. Why it has reared its ugly head again in the past month, I will never know.

I maintain that there is nothing in "Isn't it Ironic?" that is, in fact, ironic.

The Mister insists that finding 2,000 spoons when all you need is a knife is truly and inherently ironic. He is vehement about it. It makes me want to tape a knife to his forehead.

"So tell me what IS ironic then!" he demands.

I have to think about it. I am not an ironic person, all in all. I mean I get the literary gist of irony, even if I can't quote the actual definition (which is probably unhelpful anyway, as it is most likely listed as "Irony: the state of being ironic." I hate that.)

I finally come up with Jim Fixx. It is ironic that while jogging to increase his lifespan, he dropped dead of a heart attack.

The Mister says that he could have dropped dead of a heart attack at any time, and jogging had nothing to do with it.

Sometimes I think he is purposefully stubborn just to make me crazy.

It all finally culminated this week while we were watching Heroes. He paused it in the middle, and announced he was heading to the garage for a cigarette. He waited for me to move. I did not. "Aren't you coming?" he said.

"Yes," I said. "I'm trying to move, but my super power seems to have kicked in at an inappropriate time."

He thought about this for a minute. "Your super power is super speed, isn't it?"

"Yes."

"And when it kicks in, it paralyzes you?"

"Yes."

He grins. "Now THAT is irony."

At last! The debate is over and dead. Whew!

And of course, now that it's all over, I remembered the Gift of the Magi, which is probably the icon of literary irony. But I am NOT reopening the irony debate with that one. I am not, not, not!

NOT, I tell you.

Hell, I probably will. I'm such a stinking masochist.