just another mother blog

Seriously?

2010-11-10T16:56:00.000-08:00

Been a long time since I've posted... I've been on Facebook (you can add me as a friend if you want) sporadically instead of here, but really been off Internet most of the time. Sort of back now, I guess.

I like posting short updates on Facebook, but let's face it... perfect platform for short updates about the family and what not, but it's not the right place for venting about OTHER PEOPLE who don't have Ds in their lives. And I'm not talking about everyone who doesn't have Ds in their lives; just the busybodies and the woefully ignorant.

Kiki and I have been blessed in that over her 3 years, we really haven't had many negative public encounters. Most people we engage with are pleasant, smart people who focus on interacting with Kiki, asking her age, her name, complimenting her smile, her giggle, her beauty. These are the people I love.

Then there's the lady today at WalMart. We were shopping for long-sleeved shirts. Kiki was sitting in the cart, stroking the fabrics and waving and smiling and saying HI to people who passed by. I probably had a sourish look on my face because as I was shopping, I was daydreaming an engaging little drama (an amusing activity I often engage in because in my experience, imaginary drama is way more fun than the real thing).

Regardless of the look on my face, I was enjoying myself. WE were enjoying OURselves.

Some woman with a lovely child on her hip saunters up to me and says, "I just have to say God bless you, ma'am. You hang in there."

I felt myself go entirely red, immediately feeling guilty because of my daydream possibly garnering some kind of empathy from someone, and then I caught her nod slightly at Kiki, and the look on her face... I don't know. It suddenly pissed me off. "She's fine, actally," I said. "WE're fine, thank you."

"Oh, of course, of course," she said, smoothly, "But something just told me to come say it to you. God bless you, ma'am. God bless you."

And then she sauntered back off her cave.

And instead of thinking, "Well, she meant well," I suddenly wished I'd punched her in the face. Maybe I've reached my limit of people who mean well. I don't know. I mean I really wouldn't have punched her; she was carrying a child.

But I really wish I'd schooled her, along the lines of, "Really? You're taking time out of your shopping to do something you obviously think is saintly, and the best you can do is imply to me that my life is substandard and requires divine intervention based solely on your impeccable powers of perception that my child has a genetic condition? Let's just assume you mean well. Here's a good deed in return. Next time you feel compelled to 'offer comfort to the unfortunate', say something like, 'Your child is gorgeous. How old is she?' or 'Your daughter has such a winning smile! What's her name?' Now THAT would have made my day. Instead, right now, you've utterly infuriated me."

Unfortunately, I do not think well on my feet. It's the only thing I truly, utterly hate about myself.

You know, I try not to dwell on the negative. It's not constructive. I'm actually way more hung up on her baldness than I am her Ds, if that even makes sense. Actually most of our negative public encounters are those related to her lack of hair. Kids notice it; adults query if she has cancer or had brain surgery. I suppose in some ways her alopecia has made me almost oblivious to her Ds; so when someone notices her Ds, it takes me totally by surprise.

Still, she's 3 years old, and this is only the second public encounter in regards to her Ds that has left me fuming afterwards. I think that makes us much luckier than most.

Kiki's First Day of (pre)School - A Photogmentary

2010-08-23T20:09:00.000-07:00

6:45 a.m. Mommy? Is that... you? Why are you up this early? It's almost still dark!

Well, I'm not gonna argue! Let's go go go!

7:15 a.m. Mommy, why are you taking pictures of me eating breakfast? You are starting to FREAK ME OUT.

7:45 a.m. Okay. I've figured out we're going somewhere. You don't dress me up like this to just stay home. So where are we going, anyway?

8:10 a.m. I am cute! I am so cute! I can keep this up all day!

8:30 a.m. MOOOOMMMMMMMMEEEEEEEE!!!! DADDDDDEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!! WAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!

THE END.

Except she sruvived fine, was happy, came home happy, everyone was happy except it was so hot everyone got mad and fought and sulked and all that but really a super, super day.

Except for the part where the night before I had nightmares about forgetting her lunch and sending her to school in her pjs and missing the bus and none of them, none of them, not ONE of them was worse than having to walk away from that bus while she screamed.

I cried a little. I won't lie.

(okay I bawled like a baby.)

(in a mature adult good way.)

3 is Coming

2010-03-25T15:40:00.001-07:00

That sounds like atrocious grammar: 3 is coming. But it is. That 3rd birthday is just around the corner.

Sometime in early March, I took Kiki into the preschool for testing, to see if she qualified for further therapies. They kind of (bluntly) hinted (told me) I should wait out in the hall and do some paperwork, but I cheerfully insisted I was curious and wanted to watch. I stayed out of their way and didn't interfere. I was a good mom.

They did the same tests her other therapists do during test time, but they didn't give her any verbal clues. It really proved to me that even though Kiki is not terribly verbal (she's got a building vocabulary though, so I think it's a matter of time before she's true to her Greene/Erlitz roots and starts talking nonstop), she understands a whole lot of speech. For instance, if you give her a block and tell her to put in a cup, she'll do it. If instead you pick up a block, put it in a cup, take it out and give it to her, she will just put the block back down on the floor where it started.

Which is fascinating to me, but to her testers, it just meant she can't copy what other people do, which is bullshit (she can so!!), but hey. I didn't interfere. I did tell them though that she's used to following verbal directions, not non-verbal ones. She did finally get the hang of it though.

Anyway that was weeks and weeks ago, and just last week they finally called to schedule The Meeting. They have to have The Meeting before her birthday, which is April 11, so they're kind of anxious to have it happen NOW. I'm trying to find a time that can accomodate Kipp, but they won't meet in the morning (that's when they see their students) and not on Fridays, so it seemed pretty hopeless.

But I'd forgotten that Kipp gets one Wednesday off a month (he works a grave shift one Sunday a month), so I'm hoping to reschedule for the Wednesday just before her birthday. I'd have called to reschedule this week but... spring break.

Tomorrow she gets her eval from First Steps. Normally she'd be graduating from the First Steps program in a couple of weeks and starting preschool, but I've gotten advanced notice from the preschool that she'll qualify for continued therapies, sooo.... I can opt to wait til August to enroll her in school and continue with First Steps throughout the summer. Yay!

She's walking everywhere, though she still looks unsteady. She doesn't fall nearly as much as you'd think. She does love to walk from the car to the store, in the store, anywhere I'll let her walk. She's figured out how to twist her hand out of mine, which scares me to death. I mean she can't run fast now, but I can't run at all, so it's only a matter of time before I won't be able to pursue her anymore.

So it's time for a leash. I don't actually have a moral dilemma about this at all, but I'm just dreading the social encounters that are bound to result from it. I'm already tired of the "Has she had brain surgery/cancer?" encounters and the more ambiguously-worded but you know what they're getting at encounters. I don't want to broadcast any more invitations to people when I'm out and about.

But in this instance, I don't see any alternative. She needs to walk; she needs the exercise and practice. She needs to learn what it means to behave in a store. And she needs to learn all of this without me having the constant fear she's going to get injured or lost or run into traffic.

I just hope I don't end up slapping some stranger. That would be bad.

Daycare

2009-10-07T02:28:00.000-07:00

So Tuesday was a milestone for us: Kiki's first day at daycare.

I was nervous. I must have repacked her diaper bag like 15 times. I had it all done finally before I went to bed, and of course checked and repacked it again six times in the morning.

There was no reason for me to be nervous. A good friend of mine has re-opened her inhouse daycare. I know her; I know her kids. She's watched Kiki numerous times before, and even had her overnight.

But I don't know. This is daycare a whole new word in our world over here. Plus Kiki has not been greatl socalized. She tends to get slightly aggressive, and she has a temper, and she bites and hits and pinches and scratches and pokes eyes.

And she's far too attached to her mommy.

I thought I would feel guiltier than I do about this daycare thing. I mean I'm home all day; yes, working, but here. I can do both! Why not?

The reality is that Kiki plays alone most of the day, or watches tv alone. She doesn't get any interaction with people outside me and Kipp on the 3 days a week he has off and the older siblings the four days a month we see them and the occasional stranger in a store who coos at her.

I don't work with her during the day like I need to. She doesn't know how to color. She doesn't point at things in a book except randomly. She still doesn't do puzzles well. The only thing she's excelling at is using utensils to eat and that's because three times a day, I'm right there teaching her.

So honestly, I truly feel guilty that I haven't given her what she truly needs, and honestly? That would be -- someone else in some other place with other kids and a routine of educational exercises. Because clearly, I am not that person with those attributes.

And it gives me free days to work, which makes me productive, which makes my boss and pocketbook happy.

Anyway, enough of my self-pity. Back to the point!!

She did GREAT! She didn't cry, not even once, and she played with the other kids very well, and made herself happily at home over there. She even took her nap like a good little girl.

Heather has an entire schedule set up each day, complete with planned times for craft time, outdoor time, reading time, alphabet and numbers. It's awesome! And also? She sends me pics of Kiki being happy. (By the way, this is not the first or only evidence I have that Kiki is going to be a professional drummer when she grows up. In a girl band of course that will be wildly popular and she will be an icon and I will be on every tour with her to make sure those groupies keep their dirty distance from her with their drugs and booze and wild parties and such.)

(Or a tap dancer.)

And when she came home, she was so calm and sweet and I just stayed glued to her side until it was bedtime (well, I had to step away to make her dinner.) We sat together on the couch and watched some shows, and every so often, she'd look over at me, and lean over to hug me. Awwwwww!!!

She even followed Sugar around, and instead of pulling on her ears or tail, she thew her arms around Sugar's neck and hugged her over and over and over again.

However, despite her sudden affectionate nature, she still insists on holding her doll baby thusly as she watches Moose A. Moose dance and sing.

So it's official. Daycare is good. Kiki is thriving.

Now if only her mama would just let her go and take her to daycare two days a week like she's supposed to.

Gluten Free in Public

2009-10-02T07:11:00.000-07:00

So I found this resource on the web while looking for gluten free snacks for Kiki, and was thrilled. First, because of the format: I can print it out and give it to her daycare provider and preschool. Yay! Both have already expressed great interest in it, and yes, I know preschool is a year away but still. She requested I give her about a year to get some gluten-free school supplies in preparation. Woot!

Second, Reese's Peanut Butter cups are gluten free! Reese's! Peanut! Butter! Cups! Both Kiki and I are thrilled to pieces.

So if you or someone you love has Celiac disease, go here and have a whole list of horrible for you snack foods you can enjoy like every other junk food junkie!

Random Update

2009-09-26T09:09:00.000-07:00

It's been sooo long since I posted. Excuses? I have a million. But instead, I shall just let ya know what's happened since May.

Kiki now walks in public, though we still have to coax her by holding her hand.

When we say "It's bedtime!", she heads for the stairs, which she insists on climbing herself. If we hold her hands, she'll actually walk 'em (though she sometimes takes two at a time, which she finds endlessly amusing for some reason.)

She rode a pony at the fair.

She now points out where her head, nose, eyes, and mouth are; she kind of knows her shoulders, but she still won't point out her knees and toes. She squeezes her nose and says "Honk!" which I have a video of on my phone, but that format doesn't translate to the computer, so I can't share it. :(

Her newest favorite game is Ring Around the Rosey. I've been trying to teach her the hokey pokey, but everything always turns into Ring Around the Rosey.

This next week, she's going to start daycare twice a week. One of my good friends has re-started her in-house daycare, and she's just wonderful with kids and adores Kiki. It's going to be fantastic: Kiki will get socialization with other kids her age AND get out of the house AND I'll get uninterrupted work time.

And this time next year, Kiki will be in preschool 5x a week. I met the administrator (I think she is), got all the paperwork, etc. I want to do a tour of the school sometime, but we just haven't had the time yet.

And pretty much I think that's the general overview. Hope everything is great out there! I haven't not only been posting, I haven't been keeping up with anyone's blogs either. I need to get out of my hole methinks.

What did I get for Mother's Day?

2009-05-10T22:49:00.000-07:00

Homemade pudding for breakfast (it's the thought that counts!)

Many, many text messages from friends and family.

And three times today, Kiki stood up by herself in the middle of the floor and took two to three steps unassisted each time!

Happy Mother's Day!!!

Oh, I Know

2009-05-06T12:26:00.000-07:00

Still not making regular updates. I know. Hey, between a 2-year-old who is now climbing up onto BOTH couches at will, workloads, chores, stepkids, husband, and LotRO, who has time for anything else?

Yes, my beloved husband has finally talked me into getting back into an MMORPG. Blame him. It's all his fault.

But I'm taking time today to drop a quick note. Things are achanging in the household...

This last weekend, Bri called to tell us she wanted to live with us. Her mom was supportive of the idea (but heartbroken, we knew). We got excited, even though we kept cautioning each other that 12-year-olds change their minds more often than we change our sheets. Maybe even more often than we change Kiki's diapers.

Sure enough, she changed her mind Sunday night. We were so disappointed, but... well, what are you going to do?

Today her mom called me and we had a long talk and she's apparently of the mind that it WOULD be a good thing for everyone involved if Bri came to live with us. So.... discussions back on the board! Again, minds could change. It happens. Like diapers. So I'm trying not to get too excited, but still.

Kipp is practically dancing from room to room, I tell ya.

In other news, Kiki is still a Mama's girl and doesn't tolerate a babysitter during the day very well. (sigh). She's been awful moody lately -- is that normal for a 2-year-old? Can't be her bowels this time; she's a super pooper trooper these days. Well, her checkup is coming up soon, so we'll see then how things are going.

And that's all for now, folks!

Rat Race

2009-04-27T18:51:00.000-07:00

It occurred to me today that I haven't been blogging. I haven't been reading other blogs (except for Yarnhacker who blogs less than I do! :P). I haven't been following Kiki around with a camera. I think I may have missed an eye appointment for her this month.

So it's high time for me to list out some of the new things she's doing.

Most recently, she's become more touchy-feely. She actually wants to be near us, at least within touching distance if not actually in our laps. She likes to crawl up on the couch and sit between us. She'll reach out and touch Kipp, then reach over and touch me, and after a few minutes, she'll do it again, as if to reassure herself or us that we're still there.

She also likes to sit facing us, and push our heads together to make us kiss. This gives her endless enjoyment. After about a million kisses we stop kissing each other and start kissing her which makes her grumble, until we kiss each other again, which makes her giggle.

She's been climbing onto her rocking caterpillar and actually rocking it!

She likes to sit in her own chair, but still does the butt hunt to find it. She hasn't yet figured out that when the back of it is facing her, her butt will find no purchase.

She sits and pets the dogs when they lie next to her. Sugar only gets near her when she wants to play, and she's a little too high energy for Kiki. But Honey lies patiently whle Kiki strokes her, pulls on her ears, and kisses her muzzle. And lately, if Honey lies there long enough, evetually Kiki will drape herself over her, and watch tv from her custom Honey bed.

She's repeating words on occasion, but sometimes only once, and then not again for days on end.

I gave her a comb the other day, and she started to try to comb her own hair.

When she gets hungry, she goes over to her high chair and tries to pull it over to the couch.

She's doing shape sorters! We're working on her attention span and finishing projects, like puzzles. As long as she's in her "work chair" she focusses like a champ. We're trying to teach her the sign for "break" to signal when she feels like she's done.

She's still not walking alone, but she's starting to stand unassisted more and more and longer and longer. She finally lets us take her by the hands and walk her across the living room without lifting up her legs and hanging from us like a monkey.

And she's beginning to isolate her index finger more and more, even poking it into things.

So much more, but I'm out of break time. :)

Gifts from Grandma

2009-04-17T13:12:00.001-07:00

She's climbing up on the couch all by herself now. And thus did she discover her gifts from Grandma, and this ensued.

Make an on-line slideshow at www.OneTrueMedia.com

OMG She's 2

2009-04-13T07:56:00.000-07:00

She's now officially a big girl.

*sniffle*

1001 Things I've Been Meaning to Do

2009-04-07T00:13:00.000-07:00

It's just sad. Sad.

Last week we had lovely weather. For 4 days straight, it was in the 70s. At night instead of dropping down to an arctic 66 degrees in the house (that's when the heater kicks on because I ~~like it cold when I sleep~~ am energy conscious) it stayed at an annoying sweltering 72, which meant breaking out Kiki's summer sleepwear. And oh woe, her summer clothes from last year are too small!

Anyway this year I decided to do sundresses all summer. So I've actually been buying a sundress every other week or so, to make a grand total of 3. And they make good light sleepwear too, thankfully.

And then! Mom and JP send a box of summer! clothes! hats! sleepwear! Easter dress! filled to the brim with tissue wrapped goodies, which Kiki had a ball unwrapping.

And just as they were all washed and ready to wear? It started to snow.

Stupid Missouri weather.

But, oh the hats! She won't keep 'em on, but we're working on it. And oh, the dresses! And so, yes, I've been meaning to take pics and pics and more pics and... did I mention it snowed today?

I've also been meaning to video her saying her handful of words and doing the itsy bitsy spider and the wheels on the bus because oh my God, it's hysterical.

Even better? Butt hunting. She has discovered FINALLY that she LURRRVES her Dora chair, and loves to sit in it and bounce. But she is not walking yet, so she has to figure an alternate way to settle into it. Which involves crawling up to it, turning her back on it, then sticking her butt up into the air as many times as it takes to finally land in the right place.

We would help, but we're ~~laughing too hard~~ trying to encourage her to figure it out for herself.

And I've resigned myself to buying stock in prune juice and Metamucil. For life. Gah.

Oh poop

2009-03-28T22:11:00.000-07:00

I just realized I haven't posted since Tuesday and thought, "Hey! I should write a post!" and then I realized, "Hey! All the stories I have to share this week have something to do with poop!"

Umm, hence the not posting since Tuesday.

I'm sure you'll agree there's already too much crap on the Internet. (oh yes I'm so clever.)

I mean I could take the safe route and just sort of mention the regularity of Kiki's bowel movements, but it's really not interesting unless I go into detail, and when I go into detail, I mean I really overshare. And wouldn't you rather be spared that?

I would love to spare you that. I am, however, incapable of censoring TMI. It's a sickness.

So the doc on Tuesday said that Kiki's poop would come out clear or something like that and not to be alarmed when it happened. You know, like when she was on this antibiotic and it turned her poop red, and the doc warned me about that in advance, which was nice, but I already know the poop you REALLY have to be scared of is black poop because that might actually indicate internal bleeding, but no one wants to know you know that.

Or why.

Okay. Anyway. Wednesday, normal bowel movement. Thursday, normal bowel movement. Friday, I called her pedi and reported that ummm, her bowels have been normal, so should I be worried that she's still blocked up? (You might think that constipation that severe would mean she hasn't pooped in days, but she poops every day. Really.) Word back from the doc was, keep giving her the laxative 2ce a day and call back on Monday.

Then later that day, she evidently had a normal plus a little extra bowel movement and then another one after her nap which evidently verily exploded through her pants (Kipp got to deal with both of these 'cause I was first running errands and second napping. Ha!)

Then, today, no bowel movement until right before bedtime and then... ewwww. Not huge, not explosive, but messsssy, and also? Not clear exactly, but. Let ewww suffice.

I'm waiting on pins and needles to see what awaits us on the morrow.

In other news, I have had dreams about snakes for two nights in a row now. In the first dream, a huge monstrous anaconda (which frightened me) was killed and half-eaten by a tiger (which sort of frightened me more, but in a different way).

Then I dreamed there was a rattlesnake in the garden, and my Dad ran from it in a vaguely slapstick sort of fashion, which is not in character with my Dad in the least little bit.

Last night, I dreamed about a snake that was in between me and a road I had to take to get to an interview. I had Kiki with me, in a baby carriage (not a stroller!) and I would have considered taking my chances as I was running late for the interview, but I wasn't willing to risk Kiki's life. Then the snake was chased off by a lioness, who also then ran off.

So because I had similar imageries in my dreams two nights in a row, I decided to check it out on an online dream dictionary and... wow. Dude, I have issues. The back alleys of my pscyhe are like full of crack whores.

I'm just surprised I didn't dream about poop.

What's up, Doc?

2009-03-24T19:19:00.000-07:00

Soooo I dropped my older kids off at the grandparents -- bless their hearts -- and dragged the baby to the pedi and presented him with a laundry list of Mommie Worries.

She's grinding her teeth.

She's banging her head on things. Everythings, in fact. And everyones, to boot.

She's been uncharacteristically grumpy.

Sometimes she seems to burst into tears for no reason, then stops and resumes playing.

Oh, and I think she has a bowel blockage because she's spitting up after drinking or eating a lot, and it doesn't seem to be related to dairy like I thought it was at first, nor is it the flu because she's not running a fever anymore, so you know, could you check that out?

And then, per usual, I apologize for being a mom by saying, "I know. It all could be just because she's 2."

But this pedi is great because he never patronizes me. He checked her ears, and then he listened to her stomach, and then he sent us down for X-rays. Sure enough, the girl is packed so solid there is no apparent air anywhere in her intestines.

Ouch.

Now even though I suspected this -- !!!!! -- I immediately got all defensive. She's been having bowel movements. I've been feeding her vegetables and fruits. Is it the diet change? What is it? What caused this? Is it just the way she is (because she's had prescription laxatives since she was 8 months old.)

No real answers in that regard. Just, "Call in on Friday and we'll see how it goes."

Being a smartass, I said, "No pun intended?"

He did a double-take, gave me a funny look, smiled and said, "Now that was bad."

Honestly. I think he loves my daughter more than me.

Oh, you know, and give her laxatives twice a day until Friday. I think I forgot to mention that part.

Thank goodness we have bigger diapers.

The best laid plans...

2009-03-23T15:39:00.000-07:00

So Chris and Bri have this week off for spring break and we get 'em all week. Which is, you know, yay! except Kipp is working 10 am to 9 pm Mon through Thu, so guess who gets to be the referee? (Obvious answer: Me.)

So I pick 'em up and get the quasi usual "Bri is grounded because she did yadda, yadda, yadda." And my first response was "Yay! Free babysitting ALL WEEK LONG! Huzzah!"

But then Kipp rained on my parade, decreeing that babysitting should NOT be used as a punishment, especially since Bri spends most of her time babysitting just watching tv. So, crap.

But then I thought, "Huzzah! Free house cleaning!" Because I figured I could bribe Bri into "earning" small rewards like an hour or so of computer time or outside time or whatnot by, you know, doing my chores! Yay!

So far there has not been a decree from on high that this is unacceptable, so I now have a clean kitchen. Go me!

And I still get free babysitting because what else is she going to do? Ha!!

I'm still working on getting that Evil Stepmother certificate.

I got a truckload of work done today. I am psyched. But I think Kiki is suffering. I don't know. I mean not at the hands of Bri or anything. I mean she's just been uncharacteristically grumpy lately, bursting into tears and whatnot, and banging her head way more often than before. And she's still spitting up, even after switching to hemp milk. So I don't know. I just don't know. I have this feeling, and I don't even know why, that she's got a blockage. But you know, that's so me, jumping to the worst possible conclusion.

I'm taking her in to the doctor tomorrow so he can pat me on the head and tell me I'm paranoid.

Oh, that's right.

2009-03-19T21:29:00.001-07:00

I have this bag of baby barrettes and bows and clips and bands and all kinds of stuff because when Kiki had a full head of hair since birth, everybody (and I!) would get these things for her.

I put them in the bag so I wouldn't lose them, because all I ever seemed to use was the bands, to do her hair up Pebbles-style. Every day. Pebbles-style.

So a lot of this pity party stuff THAT I'M TOTALLY NOT DOING ANYMORE had to do with all these barrettes and bows and clips and bands sniff sniff that I couldn't use anymore.

Anyway the most noticeable bald spots are along the top and back of her head, where a headband would cover beautifully. So I tried that, but headbands stay on with less efficiency than hats (she doesn't pull them off, though. They just... slip off.) Also there's this precarious balancing thing they'd have to do to cover perfectly and still stay in place.

So I thought up a brilliant solution, if I do say so myself, and that was to get a simple headband and dress it up with bows and barrettes and clips which would also strategically keep the headband perfectly in place. Voila! So simple! So brilliant!!

And then as I attempted to execute my master plan, I remembered vividly why all those barrettes and bows and clips went unused before.

Because she is half worm and half monkey and at least 95% slippery eel. Arrrrgh! I will have to confine her in her high chair to do this and -- oh yeah! That's what I had to do when I did her Pebbles-dos. And those 5 seconds every morning were dripping with baby drama. I can just imagine what 15 minutes of painstaking pinning is going to entail.

But that doesn't faze me. Not in the least! Ha! I laugh in the face of baby drama! Ha!

Right now, anyway, while she's sleeping. Ohh, maybe I should try it while she's sleeping?

So I've been pondering these last few days a comment made by Starr about cow's milk and eczema and stuffiness and whatnot. The last couple of weeks, in addition to the congestion, Kiki's been -- well, throwing up isn't exactly the word for it. It's more like spit-up, no gagging reflex. But it's happened just about every day for about two weeks now.

Last week I thought it was just because she was sick. But I've since realized that it only happens after she finishes a cup of milk without eating anything with it OR if she drinks a cup of milk and has cottage cheese.

Turns out that lactose intolerance is not uncommon in people with Celiac, so... Starr, thanks. I'm going to cut out the cups of cow's milk first and see if that makes a difference -- I'll still cook her cereal with it, give her yogurt and cottage cheese, and if just eliminating the cups of milk doesn't make a diff, then...

You know, and doing this stuff without consulting a doctor first makes part of me nervous, but the other part says, "You were right about the gluten!!!! And it's just 2 or 3 cups a milk a day."

Which I can totally substitute rice milk for. I mean if I give her a cup of plain milk, she generally doesn't drink it all anyway. But she'll pound it down if it has strawberry or chocolate in it, something that has been worrying me because I'm not 100% sure that stuff is gluten-free. BUT I know for sure I can get gluten-free flavored rice milk, so... maybe this is like a two birds/one stone scenario.

Okay. Everybody chime in and start lecturing me about the sugar content of chocolate milk now. :)

No More Pity Parties!!

2009-03-18T20:43:00.000-07:00

That's right. I'm done whining about it. No, really. You know why? Because there are hats. And thug babies are cute.

The only challenge is keeping them on her head.

Also? Forcing a baby to model right before bedtime is a recipe for diva drama.

Tomorrow I am playing with headbands! And barrettes! And bows!

Kiki will probably be searching for a new mama to replace the one that has decided to drive her insane.

Better

2009-03-14T09:57:00.001-07:00

Kiki's fever broke overnight on Thursday, but she's still kind of congested, so we've been giving her Benadryl at night which is keeping her asleep until like 10:30 a.m.!!!!! Wow, nice to sleep in but REALLY doing a number on our schedule around here.

We're nearing her 2nd b-day which has got me thinking about Dr. Dermatologist. I started reading up on topical cortisone treatments, the most common side effect of which is thinning skin at the application points. Kipp adamantly does NOT want her to undergo any treatments if there's any side effects at all, and thinning skin did not comfort him.

I don't know. I guess I'm a bad mom. I just want her hair back. It made me cry again yesterday, which is pissing me off because I just. Want. To. Get. Over. It. Already. Sheeesh.

Other than that, business as usual.

Hot and cold

2009-03-12T21:36:00.001-07:00

From about November last year to January, Kiki seemed to be constantly congested or snotty or sneezy or somehow sick. Since her change to gluten-free, she's had none of that. (I don't know if it's coincidental. I'm just saying.)

Until a couple of days ago. And then she got congested. And then she ate dirt. And then the night before last, I forgot to turn the heater on when we went to bed and woke up to a 60 degree house and a very, very cold and pissed off baby.

She's been running a fever since yesterday. I've been filling her with fluids and ice cream (because she's very grumpy about eating when she's sick. She's hungry, mind you, and she wants FOOD NOW only she doesn't want THAT FOOD, she wants YOU GUESS AND IT BETTER BE A GOOD GUESS!). I was really worried yesterday because she only partially wet about two diapers, but today she seems back to normal in that regard.

If she's still feverish tomorrow, I'm taking her in. I'm sure it's probably a sinus infection by now, but I was hoping with enough fluids, Benadryl and Tylenol I'd be able to stave it off and keep her from having to have antibiotics. But three days with a fever is my limit, dammit.

Does she act sick?

Other than the eating thing, nope. Not a bit.

She does sleep well though.

Share your child's story!

2009-03-12T00:30:00.001-07:00

I followed a link to a story in the Salt Lake City Special Needs Kids Examiner (umm, long title) and found this story.

She plans to raise funds and get sponsors to help develop the pamphets that she would like to see in doctor's offices across the state and eventually the nation. "I think if we are willing to address abortion, we should also offer the other option as well, which is having the child and raising a child that loves without condition."

I'm not good at writing abstracts, especially at 2:30 am, so please read the article if you might be interested in sharing your child's story with her. :)

She's asking parents to email their stories to her at megardoodle@yahoo.com

Dearest Kiki

2009-03-10T09:06:00.000-07:00

Dearest Kiki,

You will be two years old in one month and one day! Time has passed so quickly, and you are doing so many things. I'm keeping a running list, and I will write you a letter on your birthday to brag about all of them. I'm so tempted to do it now, but in another month, who knows how much more you'll be doing!

I've been thinking a lot lately about how much you've grown as your birthday gets closer and closer. It's hard to believe I watched you grow up day by day and still somehow missed when you changed from a small, sleeping infant into a mile-a-minute child, into everything, giving us the giggles every time you laugh.

I feel like I have grown with you as well. Over the last two years you have taught me so many valuable lessons. Some days I practice them better than others; some days I mess them all up completely. But we are all works in progress, my darling, and just as you are so much more grown up than when you first came home -- because of you, so am I.

Here are the top ten things I have learned from you over the last two years. And here's to getting better and better every day at living them!

1. What may at first be difficult beyond bearing could well turn into a gift that surpasses your wildest dreams.

2. Patience.

3. To stop comparing one individual to another in an attempt to gauge the success of one of them.

4. To live not day by day, but moment by moment.

5. To put aside the whole picture and appreciate the beauty and intricacy of the pieces of the puzzle.

6. Running may get you there faster, but crawling gives you time to change your mind about your destination.

7. To be exuberant about the smallest victories.

8. To let go of the looming defeats.

9. To hope without desperation.

10. To stop thinking about what if and celebrate what is.

I love you, Kiki, so much.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo
your mama

Mmmmm, dirt!

2009-03-09T16:31:00.000-07:00

There's a park just about, I don't know, down the street. By the river. It ain't far. There's a playground. I've been to the park area once or twice but never taken Kiki.

Until today!

I met a friend out there. She has a 9-year-old son and an almost 3-year-old daughter (her birthday is only 2 days after Kiki's! Well, a year and two days, I guess.)

There were no kiddie swings, so I introduced Kiki to the slide instead. She kept signing for more, so I kept sending her down it. Then my friend's daughter plopped herself in the sand and started playing so I thought, "Hey! Maybe they'll play together!"

Kiki instead decided to swipe her new playmate's binkie and toss it in the dirt. Oh maaaaan....

And then? Kiki promptly began upon her quest to Eat Dirt and Sticks. And she's lightning fast. So after the fifth time I had to stick my finger in her mouth to swipe it out -- at great personal risk, mind you! -- I decided that we'd had enough sand time.

I had this BRILLIANT idea the other day to dress up Kiki's hair and hide the bald spots. I thought of a headband.... now why didn't I think of this before? So I tried it today but unfortunately the only hairbands we have are too narrow to cover what I want to cover and it won't stay on.

She looked cute as a button though! So now I must hunt for wide headbands and figure a way to fasten 'em to her head. I'm thinking maybe one of the metric ton of barrettes we have for her.

And now it's soooooooooo bathtime!

Whew!

2009-03-09T10:37:00.000-07:00

Took Chris in again to get his ears cleaned today. This time they said the wax was soft enough to irrigate, and thank God, they were able to get it all out. Clean as a whistle! No surgery necessary!

Chris's comments after the irrigation were, "My ear feels normal again." and "My voice sounds funny. It sounds like I'm talking through a microphone."

So now he'll get another hearing test at school and here's hoping he passes!! Pretty sure he will. You should have SEEN what came out of his ear (though I'm sure you're happy you didn't!)

When Kiki gets up from her nap, we have a playdate scheduled at the park down the street. Need to do the outside thing today 'cause it looks like the rest of the week is gonna be rainy and miserable. Darn! I was hoping to go fishing on Thursday too!

Oh well. Play date! Yay!

Now if she would only go to sleep... little monkey.

Bragging on my girl!

2009-03-05T19:26:00.000-08:00

Today we bought SIZE 4 DIAPERS! Because today was kind of warm, and Kiki was kind of fussy, and so I kind of stripped her down to her diaper and let her roam around like that for a few hours and I kind of noticed half her butt was showing, like we're talking DIAPER WEDGIE.

If this isn't a sign of growth, I don't know what is.

Also, in the TMI department, I haven't had to give her prune juice in a week and the girl is having massive bowel movements that are not rock hard nor watery. I know. But it makes me happy. Other than the clean-up part. Eww.

Now, for some REAL bragging!

She's eating with a spoon! By herself! And she actually manages to get food on the spoon herself about 10% of the time and into her mouth without mishap about 80% of the time. Yay!

She's also begun to isolate her index finger. She's not completely pointing yet, but she wags her finger at me, and she pokes at things with it now.

Today during her OT session, she actually stuck objects in the shape sorter by herself!

And yesterday at her PT session, she took a step completely unassisted!

And she's vocalizing and mimicking all the time now. She's almost got Mooo down pat, and once she figures out that Woof! isn't supposed to come out of her nose, she'll have that one too.

She's actually calling me Mama, Kipp Daddy, and herself Baby.

And I know there's a million things more but I need to compose myself. :)

Gluten-Free! It's the new granola!!

2009-03-03T10:31:00.000-08:00

There's this part in the beginning of Bedtime Stories where Courtney Cox-Arquette's character is trying to get the kids at her son's birthday party to eat the cake she's provided for them. "It's yummy gluten-free cake!" she says, "With wheatgrass frosting!"

Now the only explanation I can possibly come up with for a gluten-free cake with wheatgrass frosting is that the writers are junk food junkies who don't know what they're talking about, except that health-food new-agers are funny.

Which brings me to.... gluten-free food is so very often "organic" or "environment friendly" or somesuch, which ends up making me feel like a pretentious hippie. Which I know is totally ludicrous and I grew up in California, for crissakes, where bizarro health food diets are born (ie macrobiotics, etc.) So you'd think I'd be, I don't know, either gung-ho or at least a little, you know, tolerant.

But no. I'm sniggery. I don't even know why I have this particular sniggery part of me that sniggers at people's choice of high-priced diets, but I do. I mean honestly, in Kiki's case it's MEDICALLY NECESSARY. And for kids with autism who are on gluten-free, cassein-free diets ALSO NECESSARY. And I don't get all giggly at vegans or vegetarians (much), unless they're all preachy about it, with their animal rights and shit (while they wear their leather boots.)

I guess I am not a very tolerant person.

All of this intro is just to tell you two gluten-free stories.

The first is about my foray to Mamma Jean's last Saturday for the gluten-free extravaganza. They had free samples of their gluten-free food, and since I am on the hunt for flavorful gluten-free bread, this seemed like my golden opportunity.

Now here's the ironic part. Although I am obviously patronizing towards health-food diets, I LOOOOOOOOOOOOVE health food stores. I do not understand this. Maybe it's a homesickness thing. But Mamma Jean's is like a miniature Whole Foods, and it just feels homey.

So I did find some palatable gluten-free packaged bread, not to mention a GREAT idea for rice (make some rice. Put gluten-free creamy soup in it until it's creamy but not soupy. Rivals any packaged rice side dish you'll find, plus it actually fulfilled my craving for comfort food/mac and cheese), a home-made cookbook/family story of an Ozark woman who was there giving samples of her homemade gluten-free bread (OMG soooooo yummy, except am I going to make homemade bread? Really? Without a machine? I doubt this), wheat-free soy sauce (in bulk!!!), and gluten-free Oreo cookies (the creamy center of which was not creamy at all, but were still an obvious big hit anyway.)

The other gluten-free story I have happened last night. We went to dinner at the family restaurant. We haven't been for a while because even though with our discount it's almost as cheap as eating at home, we've just been counting our pennies. So we had a lot of catching up to do. Scott, the night manager, has a daughter about 6 months older than Kiki. Brooke, the kitchen manager, has a daughter about 3 months older than Kiki. So you know what it's like.

Anyway Scott hadn't seen Kiki in a while, so right after enthusing about how cute she is, he said, "Oh my God, what happened to her hair?" And so I launched into the story of Celiac disease and yadda yadda yadda until Kipp interrupted me and told me to order already because we had to get the kids home, dammit.

So a little flustered, I'm settling Kiki in and looking at a menu, and a woman walks up to me and says, "I couldn't help overhearing your conversation, and it's not every day you hear about that particular disorder."

And me being an idiot, I said, "You mean Down syndrome?" Because I wasn't exactly sure what she said, and in retrospect, I think she may have even started the conversation by saying she had it, which means I questioned whether she had Ds, which I think is funny. I'm probably warped.

"No," she said patiently, "Celiac disease. And I thought, Oh, no, not that sweet beautiful little girl! She's so young! How awful."

Awww. She praised my girl. I was all ears.

It turns out there is a Celiac disease support group in town. Wow! So I gave her my email address, and now I'm waiting for info.

I'm supposed to be making myself a doctor's appointment this week to get a script for Chantix because Kipp got his and now he's telling me if I don't get it, then it will be ALL MY FAULT if we don't quit smoking. Pressure! Anyway I think I will also get tested for Celiac because... well, my tendency for hypochondria notwithstanding, I just wonder.

And in other news it appears Chris will have to have surgery to get that earwax out of his ears. Poor Chris! And the doc blithely went and mentioned it RIGHT IN FRONT OF HIM even though I was careful to write autism on his history sheet. I mean honestly. I know he doesn't act it -- his case is very mild -- but it only takes a thing like SURGERY to set him off. I managed to shush her, get him calmed, and change the subject, but still.

Will keep y'all updated on this one, I'm sure. :)

You know, you're all probably looking at Kiki's recent haircut pics and thinking, "How is it that everyone comments on her hairloss? You can't even see it!"

It's all about camera angle, peeps.

It's the little things

2009-03-01T11:23:00.000-08:00

How do I know my prozac is working?

When Bri says, "Why are you happy all the time now? It freaks me out. I liked you better when you yelled at me for no reason."

I love that girl.

What have you done for me lately?

2009-02-28T23:38:00.000-08:00

So I took Chris to the ENT this last week because like his daddy, he has an earwax problem. His earwax is so built up that it's affected his hearing. So Kiki and I sat and watched him be lowered on a Star Trek captain's chair (circa Kirk) so the ENT could poke a telescope into his ear and prod at it with a pick, a vaccum, and God knows what else.

Kiki and I were fascinated.

Turns out that she couldn't get any of it out, so she sent us home with a prescription for ear drops and strict instructions to NOT USE Q-TIPS EVER OH MY GOD DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT IT ARE YOU CRAZY? As we were following her out, she motioned Chris over to a display of hard candy, suckers, and stickers. "Help yourself," she told him, "and take some for your sister, too, if you like."

Now Chris has lived with only one sister his entire life, up until two years ago, and while he knows Kiki is his sister, I don't think it's exactly sunk in like it has with Bri. I mean he loves to show her off to his friends -- not even kidding. The first thing he says to any of his friends that come over is, "Come meet Kiki! Let's play with her for a bit." -- but the exact relationship to her? Not quite cemented.

So he made a face at me when the ENT told him this and asked me, "Why should I get HER anything? What has she done for me lately?"

Which made me giggle, which I choked on when I caught the look on the ENT's face, and so I had to sober up and say, "She's not talking about Bri. She's talking about Kiki." Because I am an Uber Parent who giggles when her kids are rude to each other. Obviously.

Realization dawned on Chris's face, and he immediately back-tracked, asking me what sticker and/or candy Kiki would like because OF COURSE he would share with KIKI. Which only made me want to giggle harder. I think the ENT was ready to call DFS on my ass.

So we have Bri and Chris this weekend. On the weekends as their dad sleeps in, they usually race downstairs once they know I'm up to see who gets to play on his computer first. I'm quite used to this by now, but there are mornnings when I'm EXTREMELY GRUMPY and I tell 'em to go play in the street.

No, I don't. I tell 'em to go get breakfast. And then bathe. And then by that time I've pleasanted out a bit and can be cordial and gracious.

This morning however only Bri came down. My kitchen was a mess -- Kipp would have cleaned it before he went to bed IF I HAD ASKED HIM TO but because I didn't ask, HE DIDN'T DO IT (am I ranting a little?) and Kiki had woken up SCREAMING and soaked completely through to her bed and I was, you know, grumpy.

Bri proceeded, quietly and without being asked or instructed, to put up all the barriers in the living room. Then she took Kiki out of her playpen, set her loose, made sure she had tv and toys to occupy her, then came into the kitchen and helped me make breakfast. NO LIE!

And when breakfast was ready, Chris came down and the first words out of his mouth were, "Can I play on the computer? I know, I know after breakfast right?"

And I said, "You know what, Bri's been down here since I got up, helping me out with breakfast and Kiki, and she hasn't said one word about the computer but I bet she wants to get on it. So, for all her help and stuff, she gets to go first."

Because I am an Uber Parent.

And because Bri is an Uber Sister, she added, "I didn't ASK because I thought it would be RUDE." Which is funny because although I think Bri knows the technical definition of rude, she certainly doesn't understand the practical application of it, i.e., the girl cannot NOT be rude to save her life.

I digress from the POINT OF MY STORY.

This afternoon I had to run out and do errands, the last of which was picking a friend up from the airport. I left still grumpy with Kipp and with Chris and with being a mom in general because of all the attitude I get when I instruct someone to do something that actually helps me out and rarely RARELY does anyone just step up and do shit for me, which made me feel all glowy glowy about Bri, so I stopped and got her beef jerky, her favorite treat.

And NOTHING for ANYBODY ELSE.

And then being Bri, she went and got herself in trouble before I got home because she stayed out later than she was supposed to without checking in for lunch. I got this update over the phone while I was coming back with my friend from a VERY GRUMPY Kipp who had the Stern Father Going To Rain Heck On His Errant Child voice going.

I immediately told him that I was giving her bag of beef jerky REGARDLESS and I was going to make a BIG production of it, and he started to argue with me until I told him WHY and then he grudgingly backed down because he knows. He KNOWS. He's just lazy. (Like I am, but this isn't about me right now.)

(Wait, it's always about me.)

So I did. I came home, I gave Bri the jerky in front of the household, with the big kudo speech as to why, and when Chris said it wasn't fair and even KIPP said, "Did you get me anything?" I responded...

WHAT have you done for ME lately?

Because I am not just an Uber Parent, I am a grown-up.

PS I got LOTS of stuff for Kiki though. Gluten free stuff. More about that in the next post.

I just don't see it

2009-02-26T10:50:00.000-08:00

I just don't see it anymore. I don't even remember when I stopped seeing it; it's like it just happened.

I still see it in adults. I'm not sure why. But in children? I don't see it at all. I searched for it in Kiki's face today when it struck me that I couldn't see it anymore, and I didn't see it there.

I have this newsfeed to the right over there. It looks for articles on Ds. Lately so many of those articles have been about the new prenatal testing for Ds, and while I try to be positive about that, it sort of irks me. I mean the tone of them -- "Ooo! New exciting science stuff! So that all you preggers wimmin won't have ANY MORE excuses about checking to see if your fetus is broken!"

It makes me think about all the women who decide they'd rather not have a baby who has Ds. It makes me think of all the people who would choose not to have Kiki in their lives based on a cold piece of scientific result, without ever even taking the time to look at her, bask in her smile, play with her.

It breaks my heart.

Now look at this article. Look at the pictures. Do you see it?

Like I said, I just don't see it anymore. And I think as Kiki gets older, I'll stop seeing it altogether. Which makes me incredibly happy, because I'm so tired of the shallow bits of me.

Edited to add: Felt compelled to mention I'm not morally or ethically opposed to abortion in general. I feel compassion for women whose first reaction would be, "Oh my God, I won't be able to handle this!" I was one of them once -- but it turned out I was wrong, very wrong. And I'm not an exceptional person by any means.

I just feel a little queasy about the idea of the social pressure, the medical pressure out there on women to abort their "less-than-perfect" fetuses. Who gets to decide what less than perfect means? I thought Nazism was out of vogue?

And when I say it breaks my heart, I mean that personally, it breaks my heart that anyone -- not to mention an organized group, a multinational group of intellectually elite, government funded to boot -- would look at my daughter, my wonderful gorgeous brilliant daughter who every day amazes me, that something so awesome could come from my imperfect being -- would look at her and only think of her as a broken person.

You can tell it's laundry day when...

2009-02-22T11:30:00.001-08:00

I ran out of pajamas for Kiki last night. I resorted to putting her in one of the new sleepers Mom and JP got her when they were here in November/December. I figured, it's going to snow tonight; a blanket sleeper is appropriate (even though her bedroom upstairs is always the warmest in the house!)

It was a size 18 month. It was loosish when she first got it.

It is now tightish.

Yay!!!! I think we're officially into 24-month size territory now! And she's only 22 months old!

Things like this make me sooooooo giddy.

PS Kipp's only comment about Kiki's haircut has been: "I don't like bangs."

WhatEVER. He's said nothing since then, so I think it's growing on him and he doesn't want to admit it.

You've got some 'splaining to do!

2009-02-18T14:45:00.000-08:00

I'm obviously trying to get my husband to divorce me.

First, I make his dog run away. But she came back, so I had to think bigger (like Pinky Dinky Doo and omg I watch too much Noggin.)

So today, I did this.

No, I didn't take her to Cookie Cutters. Dude, we're talking a 30 minute drive into town for a $16.95 haircut? When I can go around the corner and traumatize a perfectly nice stylist for only $5? Please.

Kiki? Was not obedient. She squirmed. She fussed. She cried. This was the best the woman could do.

I told her from the beginning, I just want something lower maintenance. I know it will have to be a comb-over, but I'd like the top cut so that it falls to above her eyebrow in a bang. I want the back shortened so I'm not spending so much time combing out snags.

She asked, "Oh, does she have cancer?" She said it in a very concerned, caring way, which reminded me just how freaking shallow I'm being about all this. Honestly, it could be something terrifying, like cancer. We're lucky it's not, so I need to let. It. Go.

I explained to her about alopecia, and the celiac disease, and all that, while she focused mainly on trying not to accidently cut my daughter. I could tell she was really frazzled and concentrating on Kiki instead of me, because I think she asked me like 20 times how old Kiki is. She followed us out to the car afterwards, too, telling me how cute Kiki is, and asking again what alopecia is, and how old she is. I think she just wanted a return customer 'cause I kind of tipped her big. I mean honestly -- it wasn't a cakewalk, and the cut was only $5. I felt sorry for her.

And now we wait for Daddy's reaction....

Wish Fulfillment

2009-02-17T22:39:00.000-08:00

I'm trying very hard to model calm, non-violent, yet disciplined behavior to my daughter. This is difficult on many levels:

1. I am not disciplined.
2. Every time she pulls my hair now, she immediately wags her finger at me, knowing what's coming, and it's so damned hard not to laugh. But honestly! If she knows she's going to get the finger wag, how does she not know NOT TO DO IT???? Where have I gone wrong?
3. Have I mentioned Sugar thinks her own name is NO? And that she's imbued with just way too much energy? And that she gets between me and the baby whenever I say NO, even if it bowls over the baby or means jumping on my head? Have I mentioned this?

So it was the end of a long day. I'd completely mucked up the baby's schedule such that she had lunch at 2:30, didn't fall asleep for her nap until 4, didn't wake up from said nap until 6:30, didn't get dinner until 8, and then finally got a bath at 8:30 and I thought What the hell, let's just keep her up til Daddy gets home.

At around 9:15, I'm on the floor with Kiki. She pulls my hair then we wag our fingers at each other and say NO and Sugar bounds in between us and WILL NOT GO AWAY and I just gritted my teeth trying not to beat the dog because how am I supposed to teach Kiki nice touches while at the same time squashing a dog's muzzle?

Don't call PETA. I'm not like that, honestly. I just THINK it.

Anyway, I decide it would be best for EVERYONE involved if Sugar spent some time outside on the tether. As I fastened it to her collar, I muttered to her, "Do me a favor and run away."

At 9:30 Kipp came home. I griped about Sugar and suggested HE let her in because I didn't even want to LOOK at her.

Sugar. Was. Gone.

Gone.

No dog on the tether.

No dog in the yard.

No dog responding to us banging blinds or yelling for her.

Kipp got in the car and drove around looking for her. No luck. We spent the next hour or so -- an eternity! -- checking outside in the front, in the back, every 10 minutes, hoping she'd come back. I wailed in the night, tears streaming down my face, that I WAS KIDDING! YOU STUPID MUTT! COME HOME!

Okay. That was internal monologue but the tears were real.

Finally, she came home. All smug and bouncy and happy as a dog can be.

Stupid mutt.

It took Kipp 15 minutes to pry her out of my body hug.

On the outside looking in

2009-02-16T12:40:00.000-08:00

When I first moved here, it became my obsession to fit in. (Have you noticed I have obsessions?)

One of the first things I noticed is how the natives pronounce the name of the state. My first few attempts to say the name all native-style were met with polite chuckling and patronizing pats of the head and the caution that I wasn't allowed to pronounce it that way until I lived here for a while.

So I waited.

And waited.

About two years or so.

And then I tried it again, and no one complained. Success! I am a native!

Or you know, not so much.

Anyway, another thing I learned quickly is that this is the hometown of a certain well-known individual, Mr. P. Mr. P. went to the same high school as Kipp and I think was in the same class as Kipp's oldest brother. Mr. P's brother is on the local chamber of commerce, so Kipp's dad runs into him quite a bit. He also knows Mr. P's sister, and Mr. P's parents are regulars at one of the family restaurants.

So interestingly enough, everyone around here refers to Mr. P casually in conversation by his first name, like they know him personally and/or grew up with him or something. Which, um, is technically true.

There is kind of a running joke about inviting Mr. P to this or that local event (again, referring to his first name with fond familiarity), but I don't really think anyone actually follows up on that as much as you'd think.

So I figured this would be my next step, you know? So the other day, I tested it out with Kipp. Out of the blue, I said, "You know, we should see if B wants to set up a playdate next time he's in town. One of his daughters is about the same age as Kiki."

Kipp gave me a very bland, very patient look that clearly screamed, "PRETENDER! FAKER! WANNABE!" But what he said was, "Sure. And make sure to invite his wife too, because she's hawt."

Which made me feel all smugly at home. I mean I am a big faker and pretender because I certainly have never met Mr. P, but I love it that my husband indulged me. And I have absolutely no desire to embarrass myself by dropping said name in conversation with anybody else.

Because you know, they probably went to high school with him.

More Kiki Words

2009-02-15T18:34:00.000-08:00

Kipp had her saying "More" over and over again for her cookies the other day. Awesome! We have yet to repeat the performance though. She has resorted to signing More instead.

Today Kipp took over all day long while I slept and slept and slept. I've had a headache for like three days now and suspected it was hormone related and sure enough, Aunt Flo came in last night. About once every two years or so I get a period that lays me out, and this is it. Where is menopause for crissakes? I'm so ready.

Anywho, Kipp proudly stated to me today that Kiki knows how to ask for her Mum-Mums (rice crackers, gluten free). Evidently I had not relayed to him that mum-mum is her word for anything she can pick up with her hands.

I need to work on my OWN communication skills, it appears. Maybe Kiki and I can learn to talk at the same time.

Kiki Discovers the Wiggles

2009-02-12T08:56:00.001-08:00

Once upon a time, when I was a know-it-all nonparent, I once scolded my cousin for letting his toddlers sit around and watch tv all day. "You shouldn't use the tv as a babysitter!" I told him.

He responded, "My parents let me watch tv all the time when I was a kid, and I turned out just fine."

There's no way to argue gracefully with a statement like that.

Now as a parent who has a child who finally shows interest in the tv, I have to admit it's nice to be able to get away once in a while and know she's entertained in my absence. I mean I don't go for a walk or anything. I'm like no more than 8 steps away from her at any given time, but still. I can work. I can clean the kitchen. I can make meals. That kind of thing.

I'm used to having the tv on all the time; it's more like background noise for me. But I confess a probably unhealthy obsession with children's programming. It enthralls me. And some of the shows enthrall Kiki as well. Like LazyTown. And Maggie and the Ferocious Beast. And the Backyardigans.

Up til now we've watched almost exclusively Noggin. I've heard tales of children who'll watch the same Barney tape/DVD over and over and over and over and still want to see it over and over and over. I figured Kiki would be one of those, but Noggin has recently lost its thrall over her as the same episodes repeat themselves (though she still loves Moose A. Moose and will drop everything to hear him sing or play a puzzle game.)

So I switched it over to Disney this morning and discovered the Wiggles. I've heard of the Wiggles before, but this was my first exposure to them. And they enthralled us both. Anything with music and dancing grabs Kiki. She sat still for a straight 10 minutes until there was some little interlude with a dog practicing his swimming strokes, and then she busied herself with handing me her blocks until the singing and dancing started again.

I'm definitely getting her into a dance class when she finally starts walking! Umm, that should make up for turning her into a couch potato, right?

Now what do I do?

2009-02-09T18:44:00.000-08:00

Lately Kiki has been wagging her finger at us in response to us telling her NO (after she's pulled our hair or bitten us or smacked us.) It's awful cute, but I don't want it to turn into some kind of rebelliou gesture, so I always respond by shaking my finger back at her and saying sternly, "That's right. NO."

When she smacks me or one of the dogs, I tell her NO and then I take her hand and stroke whatever she hit with it and say, "Nice touches."

Today I was lying on the couch watching her play. She dropped what she was doing, came up to the couch to check on me, and pulled my hair. "NO!" I said.

She gave me a look, then reached up and stroked my arm. To add to the apology, she laid her head on my arm, looking up at me with puppy dog eyes, then leaned forward and gave me a kiss.

You know, if she keeps schmoozing like that, it's going to be so very hard to stay stern with her.

(And yes, I praised her for her apologetic behavior. I'm trying to believe in positive reinforcement.)

She's been running around yesterday and today saying, "Hi, baby!" When Mom called, I held the phone to Kiki's ear and for the first time ever she vocalized into the phone, not once but twice! And while I was on the phone, I was feeding her cookies. Mom heard her ask for a cookie and she said, "Oh! She said Mama!"

Umm, no. She said "Mum mum" which is Kiki-speak for "Yum yum" which is any snack she can pick up without a spoon. It does still count as communication as far as I'm concerned though.

She still only says Mama when she's put to bed. Little stinker.

Holier Than Thou

2009-02-08T11:30:00.000-08:00

Before I was a mom, I was one of those non-parents who saw kids in public and invariably thought, "For pete's sake, get your beasts under CONTROL!" I was confident that when *I* had kids, they would be well disciplined, polite, and well behaved.

Of course I didn't know one very important thing. And that is? I suck at discipline.
There were plenty of clues along the way, as in, I don't even discipline MYSELF. But no, I never caught on.

Now I have a child who bites, smacks, and pulls hair. Which is normal, I guess. But I just want her to STOP! STOP IT! STOP IT NOW!

One thing I will say, she is a DREAM at restaurants. Other than occasionally throwing some food on the floor then looking around expectantly for a couple of dogs to trot up and clean up after her, she is perfect. She doesn't scream or fuss, she flirts with everyone, and she eats whatever we give her.

Today she actually worked with her spoon at breakfast and lunch, navigating it herself from bowl to mouth, and didn't throw it once. Yay! I feel kind of guilty that she's not feeding herself yet; I think her only real block in this endeavor is me. It's like I can't seem to relinquish control enough, or the thought of her throwing her spoon or making a mess or not eating enough if left to her own devices is too much for me to overcome.

I guess I'm a little overbearing after all. Just not in a good way.

Counting Hairs

2009-02-05T13:00:00.000-08:00

Okay. I obsess yet again. Please indulge. But I mean, dude. Look.

I didn't take photos of the spots lurking under her hair because I figure they're hidden, right, and that's a blessing. Right?

She don't care.

The upside is this: after her bath last night, there was only one strand of hair left in the tub instead of a pinchful! So maybe she's stopped losing it? I hope!

Despite the good news in the tub, I was feeling kind of dejected and discouraged and sorry for myself last night -- hey, it's all about me, after all. I've dreamed of having a daughter so I can play with her hair, make french braids, pig tails, Swiss girl braids, all that. Sniffle. Poor me.

Okay. Anyway. I went out and re-looked up the article that clued me into celiac disease. Turns out it was an Italian study and something like 3 people out of 100 who had alopecia tested positive for celiac disease. I'm not good at math, so I'll take it on faith that the staticians claim that's too many to be a coincidence.

Anywho, also one of the boys in the study had alopecia totalis. He lost all of his body hair. But he regrew it all when he went on a gluten-free diet, which is amazing because what I've read is that alopecia totalis has the utmost lowest possibility of hair regrowth.

But alopecia is unpredictable. So you know. Grasping at straws and still feeling sorry for myself.

Kipp scolded me last night for the pity party, pointing out to me that Kiki is still and always will be beautiful, and that I need to stop focussing on the hair or she's going to pick up on it and focus on it too. Gah. I hate when he's right.

I wish there was a hair saint I could pray to.

Ice and Snow

2009-02-04T18:36:00.000-08:00

Well, we did get snowed in last week. I wanted to get a pic of Kiki playing in the snow once it all stopped being nasty, but we have a wicked nasty slope in our front yard (and the backyard is the domain of the dogs, if you know what I mean.) I could just imagine myself trying to take a picture of her and trying to catch her as she rolled into the street. On the ice. That I would slip on. And probably crush her.

All therapies were cancelled last week. They didn't even plow our street until Thursday around 1 pm. And also, the wicked slope. I didn't think it was prudent to endanger the nice women that Kiki ~~plays~~ works with so often.

So I decided to put it off until Bri and Chris were here over the weekend, so they could play WITH her in the snow, and then I'd have pics of ALL of them! Ah, such plans. It didn't happen. The older kids went off sledding, and by Sunday the snow had melted enough that it just didn't look pretty enough anymore.

Oh, and I'm lazy. Because 3 layers of clothes on a child who screams when she gets dressed? Not fun.

Not much to update, but it feels like there's always changes. Bri's all into Kiki's new diet, and is all big sister about it. She called yesterday to invite us to her Student Leadership dinner next week. She pointed out that there would probably be no gluten-free choices, except maybe salad, so I should bring food for Kiki.

And that she would also be waiting on our table, so we should be nice to her. Heh! Her intent, she says, is to so impress her Papaw with her waitressing skills that he'll hire her at the restaurant in a couple of years.

Papaw was tickled to hear that.

Kiki's palate is changing or something. She used to love green beans, and now? Not so much. She's beginning to get picky about what I feed her, and she is very VERY adamant about what she will NOT eat. As well as what she WILL eat. Things she loves, like cottage cheese with applesauce, she cries when it's all gone. And it's not like she's still hungry. I mean, come on, she's not even 2. I think a half cup of cottage cheese with a quarter cup of applesauce is pretty much a full tummy, and that's not even counting the crackers and the juice or milk that go along with it.

Honestly, you should see people's eyes bug out when I bring out her meal if it's cottage cheese with applesauce. "She'll never eat all that!" they say. Ha! She gobbles it up. She fusses if you're slow with it. And then she cries when it's gone. So, you know, she loves her cottage cheese with applesauce.

(So does her daddy, who ends up eating the "chunks that are too big for her" when he's feeding her.)

She's begun to resist naptime, and I'd toy with the notion of letting her skip it if a) I didn't also need a nap and b) she wasn't hitting, biting, scratching, and head butting everything in sight (the dogs, me, the walls, the floor, the couch) when she starts getting tired.

I think she's a goat. Her head butts hurt. And how do you stop an almost 2-year-old from banging her head on things? Do I need to put a helmet on her? I mean she's not doing it exceptionally hard, and she only does it when she's grumpy/tired.

I don't know. I'm at a loss. This child is going to be an interesting teenager.

Growth!

2009-01-27T18:58:00.000-08:00

Kiki is 21 months old and has officially grown out of her 12-month-old clothes.

I know this because I tried to make her wear her I Love Santa shirt to bed last night. We got it for her for Christmas of 2007. It was too big for her then. It just fit her on Christmas of 2008 (yes, I did try to make her wear it. In fact, she did wear it until she puked up rainbow sherbet all over it.)

Last night, it was a little short in the arms and kept crawling up her chest like it thought it was a belly shirt. She's a little young to be sporting a 6-pack, so I figured it was inappropriate even for bed, and I chucked it.

And CHEEEERED!!!

Not 'cause I didn't like the shirt, but you know. She's growing again!!

And then I decked her out in a 12-month layette with the snaps that turn it into kind of a nightgown. Because I'm all kinds of fashion conscious. And with pajama bottoms. Because it was cold.

It's been storming ice nonstop since yesterday, and an hour or so ago it began with the great big chunks of humonguous snowflakes. I think we're gonna be snowed in in the morning.

Busy Busy Busy

2009-01-22T11:00:00.001-08:00

Well, I've had actual court docs to transcribe all week. One! Day! Turnaround! Ack!

My mother-in-law has been over every afternoon this week (except Monday, court holiday) to watch the monster, bless her heart. Kiki is not so thrilled. Kipp's schedule this week is 10 am to 9 pm, so he sees her an hour or so in the morning and that's it. So Kiki has been missing Mommy AND Daddy all week, and she's been taking it out on her poor Mamaw. Oh, the screams!

Yesterday, Sue just bundled her up into the stroller and took her out around the neighborhood for an hour. She was fine the rest of the day. Between the screaming! and the cold, fresh air, she completely passed out at 7. She woke up around 2 am, and Kipp got to spend about an hour with her before putting her back to bed, and then? She slept until 10 am this morning! Wow!

Which of course puts her schedule all over the place. Yie.

One more day of court work this week -- Friday's I can do over the weekend -- and then 2 days next week. I'm just looking forward to payday! Woot!

So it's a short blog today because I want to play with my baby for a while. Here's a pic to tide ya over... not incredibly recent, earlier this month. I'm thinking of taking a pic of the top of her head for posterity, which I'm sure she'll love me trotting out on her prom date.

Kiki's new trick: saying Aaaaaah! Her pedi was thrilled. :)

And the answer is...

2009-01-19T15:15:00.000-08:00

Thyroid test... negative.

Diabetes test... negative.

Celiac disease..... DING! DING! DING!

So it is official. And I shall never second-guess my gut instincts again.

And also? I obviously must get more militant about this gluten thing. Positive blood test after supposedly being gluten-free for 3 weeks? I must be doing something wrong.

Some Photos

2009-01-18T17:49:00.000-08:00

I know. I've been bad about photos. Have I mentioned my vanity?

Anyway, I did take some pics of Kiki in one of her new outfits that she got for Christmas. I dressed her up to visit her Papaw at work. After admiring how beautiful she looked, he asked, "Umm, aren't those boots a little big for her?"

Well, but they're SO CUTE!!!!! And it's not like she's walking in them. But I do love how it makes her legs look so puny and bandy. She looks almost like an anime creature.

This was taken earlier this month. I haven't taken any pics since then. I have some others I will upload (when Kipp isn't playing CounterStrike and bitching at me for mucking with his bandwidth) from the same week.

No word from the doc yet on the test results. Of course, I neglected to ask him how long I'd need to wait. 'Cause, you know, I'm smart that way. It comes from watching Noggin 100 hours a day.

I don't really have any other updates. I just wanted to upload a pic because, well. So we had a SanDisk once (can't find it now) that we used to transfer our pics from our camera card to the computer. Then when I lost that, I started using the camera itself to upload the pics, but then I lost its unique USB cable. So then I started using the OTHER camera to upload pics, but you KNOW it's only a matter of time before I lose THAT cable for good.

So anyway I was hunting through my office and laptop briefcase for something over the weekend, and I found... something.... that my laptop actually CAME with that I didn't even KNOW about. Yes. An insertable memory card reader. One that stays in the laptop ALL THE TIME so I won't LOSE it.

And obviously I had to try it out. Yay! It works!

I know. Don't even say it.

More Alike Than Different

2009-01-16T12:04:00.000-08:00

Saw this on Raising Joey, and I had to share it too! The National Down Syndrome Congress has started a More Alike Than Different campaign, and the following are some of the spots they've videoed.

Week in Review

2009-01-15T18:37:00.000-08:00

It's been a busy, busy week.

Kipp had Monday off, and it just so happened to be the Monday of the local parents' group meeting. They had a couple of guest speakers we were really interested in; a married couple in their 30s. Both of them just happen to have Ds.

It was both enlightening and sobering in some respects. Like I said, they are in their 30s, so they grew up in a much different world than our kids are growing up in now. They didn't have early intervention. They weren't mainstreamed in school. When they got married, their group of peers, a small group of adults who have Ds that they grew up with, stopped socializing with them. The reason, the young man's mother (who was up there as a guest speaker also) explained that the parents of the others wanted to avoid trouble; it's heartbreaking to have to tell your child they can't do something, and if any of them had been influenced by their example and wanted also to get married, it would have brought so much trouble to them.

The couple was so charming. The man was very well-spoken, and the woman very shy. They were both funny, and had amazing comedic timing. They both work; she is a bagger at a grocery store, and he works in the bakery at Wal-Mart. He was asked how much he makes (since he's not drawing SSI), and he informed us $10.45 an hour. The room was really impressed by this, and he grinned at us, and rubbed his fingers together in the universal sign for "mucho money."

They held hands often during the meeting. She often laid her head on his shoulder. He did almost all of the talking; she is hearing-impaired and her hearing aid is broken.

They live with his mom, who maintains guardianship over him (so they aren't legally married.) She agreed to let them marry, as long as they agreed to have the woman's tubes tied. They both love children, and were hoping to have children of their own, but the man's mother stood her ground. "There's a difference between loving kids," she said, "and being able to take care of them 24/7." The couple does have several dogs; the young woman said her dog was her baby. When asked if she was okay with not being able to have kids, she hesitated then said firmly, "No. I wanted a baby." But she sighed with resignation, and laid her head on her husband's shoulder.

They don't have drivers licenses, but the man does know how to drive. Again, his mother insisted he not get a license; she thinks he'd pass the test with no problem, but she's concerned about his reaction time, and more concerned about the rest of the drivers out there. You could see the pain in her face when she discussed her decisions about the driving and the grandbabies; they were hard decisions for her, and it hurt to have to make them.

The wife owns a 2-bedroom log cabin on her family's property out of town. The couple spends every weekend at this home alone. They do have an agency that checks on them, to make sure they have food, that the food isn't spoiled, and whatnot, but the rest they do themselves. There are lists in every room to remind them of the things they need to do to keep the house neat and clean.

That was Monday night; Kipp and I talked all the way home about future possibilities. Well, I babbled and he listened. You know how it goes.

Tuesday, I took Kiki to her pedi. Her diaper rash was just not clearing up, and it had developped blisters over the weekend. He said it looked like it had gotten bacterial, so she's back on an antibiotic. This one? Every 6 hours. Geez! We're lucky Kiki takes medicine so well.

We talked about testing her for celiac disease. I told him I'd already put her on a gluten-free diet and had seen improvements in several areas (not to mention her hair is growing back.... did I mention that?) He said since the blood test looks for antibodies, being on a gluten-free diet would most likely give a false negative if she does have it.

But this is why I like him (it doesn't hurt that he's flirting with Kiki the whole time.) He added, "Let me ask you this. Let's say we do the blood test and it comes back negative. Are you going to change her diet?"

Well. No.

"Exactly," he said. "If she's improving because of the gluten-free diet, why would you change it? And if she does have celiac disease, the only thing you CAN do is put her on a gluten-free diet. Now if in the future you need a diagnosis for some reason, like when she gets into school and you have problems getting them to give her gluten-free food, I will be more than happy to talk with them, give them a note, whatever it takes to ensure that she stays on the gluten-free diet."

Love him.

Next up, Kipp wanted her tested for diabetes. She's been peeing CONSTANTLY, and is always signing for drink. Kipp has diabetes, and excessive peeing always makes his radar go PING! PING! PING!

"Well," he said, "If we're going to test for diabetes anyway, let's go ahead and test for celiac at the same time. Might as well test her thyroid while we're at it."

Yep, love him. Not even any argument, just "Okay, let's go!"

The blood drawing was dramatic. They had to take it out of her arm, and didn't get enough out of the first arm, so we had to go to the other one for the rest. She was NOT happy. She cried and yelled afterwards, and I held her and comforted her, and just before we left, she stopped, smiled at the blood people and waved bye-bye.

Then snuffled all the way to the car. Poor darling.

Wednesday, we had our WIC meeting. She spent the whole time signing for a ball. I don't know why she thought the WIC lady had a ball, but she was insistent about it.
And then she had her ST, but her focus was way off.

Today, she had her OT, and her focus again was kind of off. For the first time ever, she actually turned her back on us and pretended we weren't there.

Now I love her OT. She's a fabulous woman, and she's been getting great results with Kiki. She tends to get boisterous when she's excited, however, and she often rubs Kiki's torso or roughhouses her when she's playing. Kipp and I don't really roughhouse with Kiki the same way; you can tell by the look on her face and her body language that she doesn't like it.

So I intervened finally and told her OT all of this. She apologized and explained that with most of her clients, exuberant and rougher feedback is often necessary due to their sensory issues. I said there was no apology necessary; she hadn't done anything harmful or anything. It's just Kiki is a different kind of kid; she responds quickly to praise, and she gets overwhelmed easily when there is loud noise or is surrounded by too much activity and motion.

Later in the afternoon we went shopping. My gluten-free pantry is getting bare. I remembered that the large grocery store in town here has a health food section, and I decided to check what they have. You know, because it's only 3 miles away, and the health food store I went to last week is like 15 miles away. Score! So much gluten-free stuff!! Yay!

And you know, now I don't have to drive all the way to another town and drive through busy big town streets just for health food. Hee! I say "busy streets" and make the woman in me who grew up in the Bay Area, CA, laugh like a school girl.

I'm spoiled, people. I'd rather drive through the woods to get to the grocery store than have to take highways and city streets. So there you go.

And that's all I have. Isn't that enough? Isn't that a lot?

Hair Obsession

2009-01-08T12:36:00.000-08:00

Okay. Last post on hair for a while. Promise. I know I'm being vain, and there are so many worse things, and I need to suck it up. BUT, just as an update, there's some fuzzy white-blond hair poking through one of the bald spots on the back of her head too. Yay!

But I had to share this because it tickled me. I told Bri this weekend about Kiki's hair loss, and that it could be permanent. "No!" she responded, "She can't lose her hair! How is she going to get a boyfriend??"

Bri is 12. Boys are important right now.

I reassured her that it wasn't certain to be permanent, and if it was, Kiki could wear a wig. This appalled her even more.

"She CAN'T wear a wig," Bri informed me. "How is she going to take a shower in middle school wearing a wig? Also, girls in school pull hair HARD. They'll pull her wig right off!"

These were things I hadn't even considered. Not knowing how else to respond, I just lamely repeated that it wasn't certain the hair loss would be permanent.

She thought for about a minute, and then smiled. "Well," she said, "we can always put her on Match.Com."

You know, we all obsess about the important stuff. It runs in the family, obviously.

Gluten Free

2009-01-05T09:51:00.000-08:00

So I went to a local health food store on Friday (I think there are maybe 2 in the area.) It was just like walking into a corner of California. Oh, it made me miss Trader Joe's. I think there's one in KC. We need to make a road trip!

Of course, health food is at least twice as expensive as regular crap, but it's for a good cause so I'm not complaining.

Kiki's been gluten-free since New Year's Eve now. As far as immediate effects, last night when I was giving her a bath, I noted her skin is now smooth! It had been so bumpy on her arms and legs for a while now. The doc had said it was eczema, and I'd been putting cream on her like crazy with no effect. Less than a week of gluten-free, and her skin is smooth. Woot!

As far as her hair goes, she's got two more small bald spots on the top of her head that she's just developed in the last few days. But, right in the front where she'd started to recede first, there's a fine, white-blonde fuzzy patch of hair growing in. Yay! I don't know that this is a result of the new diet; I know that with alopecia, the hair starts growing back in as spontaneously as it started falling out. In any case, hopefully we're turning a corner.

I've started counting her calories because she eats like a little horse. I've been telling the docs for almost a year now that I've been concerned about her slow weight gain and the fact that her growth has slowed so awfully much. They keep assuring me that it's just because she's so active. Which is true, but I wonder sometimes if they also think she's a picky eater. And she isn't! She eats lots. I've pegged her at about 900-1200 calories a day, which is just about right for a toddler (that I can glean from the 'Net, anyway.)

Hopefully, this diet will fix all that too.

Taking the Bull by the Horns

2009-01-01T11:41:00.000-08:00

My Grandma was the type of person who paid close attention to what doctors told her. She acted very dutiful and docile to them. And then she would go home and exhaustively research every prescription they gave her and every diagnosis they gave her, and then she would decide for herself which way she was going to treat it.

She was very big into holistic healing, believing that doctors tended to be too focussed on their pharmaceuticals and the symptoms rather than the big pictures. She made her own herbal remedies. She believed in vitamin and mineral supplements. She believed that diet affected us, environment affected us, mental states affected us.

She spent a lot of time pushing articles on Mom and me throughout her life, articles out of several health food and New Agey health type magazines, as well as more mainstream mags like Reader's Digest and whatnot. She didn't nag so much; she'd just cut out the articles, hand them to us, and then leave it up to us from there to read it and do something about it.

Mom told me that after Grandma died and she was going through Grandma's things, she found a whole pile of clippings, and magazines with pages marked, and notes to Mom about how she needed to read these things. So Mom read them, really read them, and she was amazed that Grandma had noted that Mom was stressed, overworked, overtired, possibly depressed, and that all of these articles were tips about how to address those issues, how to make her healthier.

My point here is, I guess, that having lived with my Grandma most of my life, I have this habit of researching. I don't just take doctors at their word. I have to know more. I have to know everything. And luckily I have the Internet, where Grandma used to have only the library and her magazine subscriptions, so it's so much easier for me.

Also having been raised by my Grandma's health consciousness, there's a very ingrained part of me that believes every health condition is an effect; there is a cause, you just have to find it. So it doesn't sit well with me when a doctor tells me, "No one knows why it happens. It just does sometimes." Just because there's no emphatically proven cause doesn't mean there isn't one; it just means it's not important enough or lucrative enough to research.

So I felt guilty about Kiki's alopecia. I cried all day. I felt like I had done something wrong to cause it, or that I hadn't done enough to stop it. I felt sorry for both of us.

And then Grandma's genes kicked in, and I went Internet surfing, and I found a link between alopecia arreata and celiac disease. And then I found a link between celiac disease and Ds. And then I read the symptoms for celiac disease, and this little bell went "Ping!" inside my head.

Now maybe I'm grasping desperately at straws. Maybe. All I know is that now that I'm taking some kind of action, I feel empowered. I feel like if I can put up some kind of battle, then even if she does lose her hair, I will know I did everything I could.

So as of dinner last night, she's on a gluten-free diet. It turns out there are a couple of health food stores in town, and one of them has a huge selection of gluten-free products. I will be checking them out tomorrow.

Being gluten-free is certainly not going to hurt her, and there's such a huge chance that it could actually improve her health, decrease her chances of developing autoimmune thyroid disease, and maybe even get her hair to grow back -- you know, we have to try it.

I feel so positively charged up right now, I don't even know how to express it. Thanks, Grandma. I love you and miss you so much.

Alpoecia Confirmed

2008-12-30T21:04:00.000-08:00

So we went to the dermatologist today. He did not flirt with my girl. He just pulled on her hair. And then he said the following.

It is an autoimmune reaction. It usually happens in adults and young adults, and can usually be treated with things like Rogaine. But we cannot treat Kiki, because they can't use those same meds with a child younger than 2.

Now most often when people have alopecia, it will spontaneously start growing back all by itself. Except when they show the same balding patterns as Kiki, which is to say balding along the bottom, and huge patches on the back of her head.

Because she has this particular kind of alopecia, it puts her in an even higher risk category of developing autoimmune thyroid disease.

We will bring her back in 4 months, when she is 2, and it's possible we may be able to treat with Rogaine. It's more possible that she will lose more hair, and all of the hair loss will be permanent.

Oh wait. No, that would have been the GENTLE way to put it. This is actually how he phrased it.

"Come back in four months. If her hair shows signs of regrowth, we'll try topical Rogaine treatments. I suspect however that there won't be signs of regrowth, and that she'll have lost more of her hair. And in that case, I will recommend that you shave her head and go for the Sinead O'Connor look or buy her some wigs."

Nice.

Christmas Update

2008-12-27T12:15:00.000-08:00

I'm still catching up!

Every year, we spend Christmas Eve at Mamaw and Papaw's. It's been a family tradition since before I moved out here. Evidently everyone used to spend the night there on Christmas Eve so they'd be there Christmas morning. But things change. So like I said, since I've been here, it's Christmas Eve at Mamaw and Papaw's; and then B & C spend Christmas Day with their mom.

So we picked them up on Christmas Eve and had them open up their gifts from us before heading over. Christmas Eve started late this year because Chip had to work. While we were waiting for time to pass, Kipp broke out the rainbow sherbet. As always, Kiki immediately hung out by him to get some. And then the older kids soon followed suit.

We finally headed over and for the first time EVER we were the FIRST to arrive!!! Go us!!

As we settled in, Mamaw surprised us with a Christmas dress for Kiki! Kipp and I immediately began to quibble over whether or not to put it on her -- I wanted to, but Kiki is so difficult to get dressed these days AND she gets pissed off to boot. So I was about to give in, grudgingly, when Kiki promptly puked up rainbow sherbet all over herself and me.

I did not have a brand-new Christmas dress handy for myself, but nobody cares about how I look. :)

It comes with a little hat, and for Christmas Eve, she kept it on all night without seeming to care. I of course forgot my camera, so I put her in it today to get pics. She did not like the hat today.

Mamaw and Papaw always get such awesome things for the kids. They didn't know what kinds of toys to get Kiki, so they stuck with clothes and shoes, which means y'all are going to be getting pics of new outfits every day for a week. At least. If I don't get lazy. Boots! She got boots!! They are adorable.

Today, Santa Papaw came to visit, which is why she was in her Christmas dress two days after Christmas. So yay! We're on track with pics with Santa 2 years in a row!! (And the nice thing about Papaw being Santa is that we get as many pics as we want. Be warned.)

Let's see... I want...

The always necessary crying on Santa's lap photo.

You ARE real!!!!

And giving Santa a kiss.

And I have to end it with this one 'cause it glows with attitude and Christmas spirit.

Yay! Pics!

2008-12-26T11:46:00.000-08:00

So after I threw my online tantrum last night, I sulked until Kipp was ready to go to bed, at which point he of course noticed I was upset. So after I explained I couldn't find my USB cable, he immediately started to search for it and found it... in my pile of stuff right by my side of the couch. Yeesh.

I'm such a big baby.

Anyway. PICS! Yay! Pics!!

This is Kiki before she got her haircut. Notice the real ponytail! I was so proud, but now that I look at the pics, I see where the bald spots are (you can see 'em peeking through the hair), and so I think this has been going on longer than I thought. I can't believe it took me so long to notice.

And this is Kiki getting her first haircut. It was such a cool place but soooo expensive. Still, it was worth it just for the experience. She was so good, which is awesome because I was worried she'd be all squirmy.

And this is Kiki with Grandpa JP. They just absolutely adored each other.

And Kiki with Grandma.

And Kiki with her mom, who obviously needs a visit from What Not to Wear and the Hair Dye Fairy.

And Kiki with Daddy, showing how she signs "I love you." She's got to be unique.

And this is how she waits for us to get her when she wakes up.

And this is how we found her sleeping last week. Yes, she's asleep. And yes, her feet are touching the ground.

Well, that's plenty for an update for today. :) More this weekend!!!

No pics

2008-12-25T19:30:00.000-08:00

Right. So I was all avoiding the camera while Kiki was balding because I am VAIN. And then I lost a camera, the only camera that had a USB cable I could find because cameras appear to have weird proprietary USB connections that nothing else on earth have, and even if you have two cameras of the EXACT same brand, except 2 years difference in age, they will have different cable requirements as well.

But I still had A camera, so I used it when I came to my senses, the day before Mom and JP left and I realized, "Oh, hey, I didn't get any pics of Kiki with one of her sets of grandparents."

And then I forgot said camera when we went to another set of grandparents' house on Christmas Eve. Because I am stupid.

And then I found the LOST camera, which was NOT lost but actually expertly hidden from children (and, obviously, my own self), and it turns out that the one I had NOT lost was actually the one that had a cable I could find, only guess what? I can't find the cable now!

And I haven't been able to find my card reader for, oh, I don't know, 500 years or something.

So. I have pictures. But because I am a great big huge lameass, I cannot share them. At all. With anyone. Who isn't sitting next to me.

Which is, you know, all my family and closest friends. You know, the people who are the most important in MY life, most of whom have never met my daughter face to face, and rely on ME to keep them updated as to what she's doing, how she's feeling, the funny thing she did this morning, and, oh yeah, WHAT THE FUCK SHE LOOKS LIKE THIS MONTH.

So I am having an utter meltdown, obviously, without having a visible meltdown, so right now as I bitch online, my husband is sitting across the living room, singing to a capella music only he can hear while he plays electronic solitaire and I AM LOSING MY MIND.

Why am I always losing my shit? Why don't I ever lose someone ELSE's shit for once? Why is it always my stuff that ends up completely MIA? It's not like I strew my things all over the house. I have exactly ONE FUCKING PILE next to my side of the couch in the living room and then ONE FUCKING PILE on my desk upstairs. That's it. That's the full extent of where I put my FUCKING ELECTRONIC CRAP.

And yet somehow it disappears. Usually when things get CLEANED UP.

Well, whatever.

Other than the past hour, we have had a fabulous Christmas.

I hope all of you had a fabulous Christmas too. Please forgive my moment of madness.

What she's doing now...

2008-12-22T22:53:00.000-08:00

1. Her first word is definitely "Up." I've been reinforcing it now for 2 weeks, saying "Up" every time I pick her up, and Kipp's been doing it too. I didn't know the sign for Up, so we just used the word... and sure enough, she started using the word every time she wanted to be picked up. It makes me wonder if continuing to teach her signs is a good idea?

2. She's now walking anything that moves around the living room: her toybox (which is just a big plastic container), her car, whatever. She can stand without bracing herself on anything for a good 10 seconds without wobbling too.

3. She's learned how to crawl through the entertainment center to get around the gate. We really need to babyproof the kitchen and get rid of the barriers. Kipp started putting the stuff on the cabinets, but evidently the cabinets are cheaper than we thought... the screws are kind of damaging them.

4. Either she's watched too many Discovery channel things about snakes or she's just mimicking us yawning, but she's taken to opening her mouth as biiiiig as she can. Just because. I'm trying to get her to do it and say "aaah" because won't the doctor be happy if she'll do that?

5. I'd read and heard that kids with Ds, their teeth grow in out of order. I thought maybe Kiki was spared that 'cause her two bottom teeth came in, then her two top teeth, then two more on the top, and then.... one on the bottom. And then her molars on the top, leaving a big gap between them and her front teeth. And it looks like her molars on the bottom are poking through now as well. And only three bottom teeth in the front... I was sure she had four. I'm beginning to wonder if she lost it or broke it.... every time she falls unexpectedly, she bites her tongue. And I noticed she grinds her teeth. Ack! I was supposed to ask the doctor when to take her to a dentist! Man, I need to make a list.

And tomorrow we Christmas shop. Ho ho ho!!!

Holiday Movie

2008-12-13T18:36:00.001-08:00

Just got an email from our local chapter with this link to a story about The Child King movie.

I hadn't heard of it before, but it looks amazing, and so I thought I'd pass it along. :)

Pretender

2008-12-12T07:45:00.000-08:00

I feel like such a pretender these days. Such a wannabe. And now I feel like I'm bragging.

But here's the thing. Okay, supposedly I'm the mother of a child with special needs. But then I spend like five minutes watching Kiki play or babble to her mirror or laugh or eat or anything and everything and I think, "Where? Where is the special need part?"

The disability hat? Doesn't fit my daughter.

What has changed? My attitude, and that's all.

I feel so good these days. It's wonderful to wake up in the morning and not remind myself, like a mantra, "She will be okay. She will be okay." I don't have to anymore. Because suddenly I believe; I truly believe and have absolute faith in her.

It's also exactly a month and a week after I started taking Prozac. So you know.

Yep. That's my big confession for the year.

Now for bragging rights! She's pushing her walker car all over the living room. She'll walk it until she runs into something, then she'll drop into a squat and then sit and then crawl somewhere to do something else. She's also begun scooting around on her butt when she's carrying something somewhere. Hopefully she'll soon discover that walking is more efficient.

We're currently working with puzzles. She's not quite got it yet, but she's getting real close. And she's occasionally saying "Up" when she wants in my lap.

Havethe day off today so I'm gonna go play with my baby!!

I Love You

2008-12-08T10:06:00.000-08:00

So Kiki has made up her own sign for "I love you." We were trying to teach her to cross her arms across her chest for "I love you," but we kind of gave up on that a few weeks ago.

Then Kipp noticed that most of the time when he says "I love you" to her, she tucks both of her thumbs under her armpits, like she's flapping like a bird. I said "I love you" to see if she would do it for me -- and she did. And she's immensely proud of herself for it too!

And she's taking more and more steps behind her little walker car, even beginning to push it by herself.

And yesterday was one of those moments I wished I had a camcorder attached to my forehead. She treated me to an impromptu puppet show. I am not even exagerating!

She started off her story by holding her arms over her head, her hands pointing down in a great imitation of Daniel doing the crane in Karate Kid, and growling loudly.

Then she looked at her right hand and babbled to it. Then she babbled to her left hand. Then she babbled to her right hand again. Finally one last babble to her left hand.

And then she fell forward, slapping the floor with her hands in a great big bow. Then sat up and giggled merrily.

This kid is going to be a great storyteller one day, I just know it. She's been composing these stories in front of her mirror for months now, but I've never seen her do it without the mirror.

Speaking of her poor mirror, it is in such sad shape. Most of the animals don't even talk anymore (only the lion and the elephant.) But I love the way she interacts with her mirror, making up these long stories and watching herself perform them, so Kipp and I ordered her a new one for Christmas.

This is the new and improved mirror she's getting!

Winter Colds

2008-12-04T19:43:00.000-08:00

It's been busy since Mom and JP have been here, and all of us have been sick. Kiki finished her 10 days of antibiotics, and she's still snotty, so I called the doctor today. She had an appointment set for Monday for her shots, but I knew they wouldn't give 'em to her if she wasn't feeling well anyway, so...

So we took her in today, Mom and I, and met her new pediatrician for the first time. I think I've mentioned before that Kiki warms up to men faster than women, so I kind of figured she'd like him right away anyway. And he wore glasses and had face fuzz, so she was in heaven. The first thing he did was get down to face-to-face level with her, give her a big grin, and tell her how pretty she was. Instantly charmed, she held out her hand to him, which she only does to people she approves of, and he kissed the palm of her hand which passes the test. She giggled and was his.

And you know? Anybody who is that charmed by my child? Is aces in my book.

I asked him a couple of questions about preventive care to test the waters, make sure he knew more than I do, which he does, thank God. Thyroid checks, ENT checks, X-rays of her spine starting at 2 years, all of that. So he passed my test too.

I asked him about her bald spots. He said it definitely looked like an autoimmune response and asked if it coincided with her recent cold. It hasn't really; it started about 1 to 2 weeks before she started getting snotty, but she did start this snot thing about 2 months ago (I think) as well, and we were treating with Benadryl because she didn't have any signs of infection, and her previous doctor thought it might be allergies.

He is setting us up with a dermatologist just in case, but he assured me he's seen this before, and he checked out every inch of her scalp. He said in his experience, the hair has always grown back. He said also that with this kind of autoimmune response, we should count ourselves lucky that her system focused on her hair follicles and not something like her thyroid or pancreas, which it could also do.

So, you know, yay.

We're taking her back to the hair stylist tomorrow for bangs, regardless. I know she'll look a little thin on the sides but you know what? I keep having to pin her hair back to keep it out of her face, and if that's what's contributing to the thinness and breakage around the sides, then it's never going to stop. I need the hair out of her face, out of her nose.

I'd post pics of her current 'do, but there's no point. It's not a haircut right now so much as a trim; it doesn't look any different.

Let's see. In other news, Bri's Christmas concert was tonight. She's in choir and she had a solo! She did absolutely awesome; no stage fright and no fear of the microphone. I was so proud!!! I even let Chris hold the videocamera for some of the concert, so he was pretty happy.

Thanksgiving was fantastic. My brother-in-law sells these ceramic smokers, and so he treated us by smoking a turkey. My father-in-law made prime rib to go with. So we were all well-fed with yummy stuff. Kiki ate bunches, and I was soo happy because she'd been turning away meals for a couple of days leading up to that. And then to top off the evening, she managed to convince the whole family she was saying "I love you."

I remain unconvinced because I never heard it. Little stinker.

I'm also reasonably convinced she can walk, only she's refusing to do so. I've caught her standing without support for a full 30 seconds before she realized what she was doing. She sits down with complete control; she doesn't just fall back on her butt anymore. And she cruises from furniture to furniture without any effort. If she's engrossed with the spinny thing on her walker/car, I can make her take up to 6 steps before she stops.

She will NOT walk if you hold her hands. The minute you grab her hands, she kicks her feet up and hangs like a little monkey. So Kipp has taken to standing in front of her until she pulls herself up to standing using his legs. Then while she's hanging onto his pants, he'll start walking backwards and she'll follow. But touch her hands? Monkey time.

I like to think she's holding out until Christmas Day, because this will be her Christmas gift to me. I only hope I'm holding the video camera at the time!

Alopecia Sounds Like a Girl's Name

2008-11-26T07:19:00.001-08:00

After further exhaustive internet research, driven by my own innate vanity and gut-eating guilt, I've discovered that alopecia traction can be caused by hairstyles such as, you know, tight ponytails and whatnot.

So the balding areas along the sides of her head and at her forehead? Definitely my fault. And I've been poring through pics and watching that hairline recede through them. Why didn't I notice before?

It does not explain the smooth round bald spot on the back of her head, though. So yeah, I still need to confer with the Doc and hopefully not begin bawling and confessing all my sins in a virtual monsoon of guilt, guilt, guilt.

It's a good thing I'm not a practicing Catholic. I'd probably never be able to leave the confessional.

I wonder if priests keep a pot to piss in in their confessional booths.

I wonder if I'm going to hell for that question alone.

So this morning after her first haircut I still had to deal with snotty hair and moreover trying to figure a way to keep it out of her face while she ate. I used little clippies, which worked for a bit until she rubbed her peaches and cereal in her hair (as she's wont to do), so it took much readjusting and it was slightly frustratng and ended up with me demanding from my mother, "Why didn't I just have them cut it all off? Why? Why?????"

Easy answer: My husband would have stopped speaking to me. But since right now he's messaging me about buying an XBox upgrade? I don't think that would be so bad.

Snot Factories

2008-11-25T18:27:00.000-08:00

So we got new medical insurance, so we had to get new doctors. We bid a sad farewell to Kiki's pediatrican, whom I adore, and venured off into another office (one that she recommended of course!)

It's a very cool office, actually, and very kid-friendly. I of course had to fill out all the prerequisite paperwork, but much to my surprise and pleasure, Kiki sat on a little kid chair at a little kid table completely happy with a pamphlet the entire time it took me to fill it all out.

In the exam room itself, there was a shelf under the exam table that contained toys! Toys! Toys! which Kiki found immediately and immediately proceeded to pull down and play with. She has no trouble making herself at home.

When I was filling out the paperwork, I knew I should mention somewhere on it about her having Ds, but I just couldn't find an appropriate place, and so then suffered a mini-lecture from the new pediatrician (who is not really her new pediatrician, but was filling in for her new pediatrician whom we haven't yet met) who began to assume that Kiki was undiagnosed (sigh) and then on and on about the many things we need to be proactive about because of the Ds ad nauseum. Thank you. I'll remember next time.

She did see both Kiki's eardrums (yay!) and there was no sign of an ear infection, but she gave her antibiotics for the obvious and raging sinus infection, and in the midst of all this (and cookies too!) I forgot to ask about something that I had just begun to notice a few weeks ago. Or maybe a month ago. No more than a month ago, but more and more over the last couple of weeks.

Anyway. Fast forward to today, Kiki's first haircut! We took her to Cookie Cutters, and it was awesome. I was fully expecting Kiki to throw a fit, but she was absolutely thrilled with the red fire engine they sat her in, and she behaved throughout the entire haircut. Luckily her snot flow was also slightly abated (Thank you, Benadryl)

(I know what you're thinking. You're thinking, Why would you take a child with an uncommonly snotty nose to an establishment full of children whose parents would quite likely prefer not to have their own ilk get sick? You're thinking, Can you be so oblivious? The answer is no, I am not oblivious. I am selfish. There is a difference.)

(Besides, sinus infections are gross but not contagious.)

And so, because the hair stylist was so sweet, and also because she started talking about other kids she knew who have Ds, I decided to ask her, you know, instead of a doctor.

"Do you see this bald patch?" I said, "And this one? And these around the sides? Are those normal? That's normal for kids, right? They lose their hair when they're babies, right?"

Sadly, no.

"Is it because I'm always pulling her hair up and back? Am I pulling out her hair?"

Sadly, probably not. It looks like alopecia to me, she says, but I'm not a doctor. You should talk to a doctor.

"It'll grow back, right?" I say.

And she says, "The thing to remember is, it's not painful and it's not because she's sick."

Oh, GREAT. Thanks.

So Kiki did not get bangs, because if she got bangs, she'd have visible bald spots on both sides of her head. Her hair is shorter now though, but still in her face, so honestly? I don't know that we've really accomplished much more than the ever-important milestone, Mini Baggie Of Hair.

I was going to keep all of it. But I did not after all.

Do I sound bitter? I think I sound bitter.

Busy busy busy

2008-11-23T06:52:00.000-08:00

Mom and JP drove into town about 2 weeks ago. Things have been on fast forward ever since. They're supposedly retired, but they brought work with them, and between their work and our work, we sort of bounce around each other like pinballs.

Kiki has been sick and teething for the past week. When I say teething, I mean there's five big teeth coming in all at once. On top of a sinus infection which luckily hasn't gone into her ears. Anyway between the two things, and possibly the change in routine and the new people, she's been uncharacteristically grumpy. Just about every day she has a crying fit and she's completely inconsolable, even with me.

Early last week she started throwing a tantrum every time we put her in the high chair. A few days ago she stopped eating altogether if we put her in it. Now she will eat a couple of bites or so, but only if she can wander around freely and only if it's off one of our plates. We've resorted to giving her Pediasure. We know she's hungry because she grabs madly for food, but then once it's in her mouth, she starts crying and spits it out. Sore throat or sore gums, we don't know for sure, but it's heart breaking.

We're stocked up in Orajel and baby Tylenol and teethers and Pediasure and biter biscuits and antibiotics and hoping this will pass quickly.

Meanwhile, of course, I've caught her cold and Kipp caught her cold and Mom is feeling under the weather and it's really getting cold outside.

Since the first day Mom has been in town, she's been insisting Kiki needs a haircut. Kipp grumbled and resisted until this week when he had to deal with her snot-encrusted hair when she first got out of bed. "Cut it," he said, "for God's sake, cut it!"

We'll be doing that sometime this week, I hope.

Now added to her signing repetoire: bath, bedtime, block, and ball. She knows what she's talking about too. The other day, she signed ball at me, then crossed the room to get her ball, and happily played ball with me for a while. When she signs block, she gets all excited when I gather up her blocks to stack them with her.

When her speech therapist was here, she tried to get Kiki to stand up (Kiki is very stubborn about doing this at someone else's behest), and said "Up up up!" to encourage her. Instead of standing, Kiki simply repeated, "Up up up!" with the same inflection. Her ST and I stared at each other, and each said, "Did you hear that?"

We could not get her to do it again.

When she talks to herself in her mirror now, she often includes her toys and several arm gestures. It looks like she's telling herself stories.

And that's all the news here for now!

Good Day

2008-11-08T20:48:00.000-08:00

Today was a good day. I say this with great satisfaction because I have to confess, I haven't been able to say that with conviction very often lately. And I know I'm blessed, and I know my life is good, and I love my husband and my children and even my dogs, though I'm convinced the canines are trying to figure out a way to kill me and still guarantee they'll be fed every day.

Some things are a little too personal to talk about on a public diary, and then somedays I just don't care. So, you know, TMI alert!

But not today.

Today instead I will tell you about my great day. My great day started with me procrastinating on work (when I say "start", I mean after: getting breakfast fed to the husband, the kids, the dogs, then myself, then mediating a deal negotiated by the two older children about how to share the PC and the XBox for the duration of the day).

I subsequently blew the whole negotiation out of the water by comandeering the XBox360 all by myself and refused to share and by doing so somehow managed to create an environment in which Bri ended up playing with Kiki and there was much rejoicing. Yay!

I then had this amazing revelation. One of my key needs is alone time. It always has been. Perhaps I'm an introvert. I don't know. I know this. I know that if I get to a point where I'm throwing a tantrum because I don't get to do what I want to do RIGHT NOW RIGHT THIS INSTANT LEAVE ME ALONE, then I need a time out, and that time out must involve a huge personal bubble, roughly the size of Texas.

The reality is there is no such thing as a personal bubble the size of Texas when you're the mom of a pre-toddler, step-mom to a pre-teen and oh-my-God-he's-going-to-be-a-pre-teen-too-any-day-now, dog mother of two very people-oriented dogs, and a husband who has social activity needs that run roughly on the scale of Paris Hilton.

I cannot escape them by watching TV. They gather around and want to know, "What are you watching? Who's that? What's going on? Where's the remote? Is that the remote? Can I see the remote? Can we watch something else? I'm huuuuungry."

I cannot escape them by playing video games. They gather around and comment on everything I make my character do. They want me to kill innocent villagers. They want me to slap annoying NPCs. They want me to give them the controller so they can show me how it's done. And also, they want to know if they can get on the computer, so then they can talk to themselves while they do so. Which I do, too, of course, but it's annoying when other people do it.

I cannot escape them by locking myself in the bathroom. They have knuckles they use to do this knocking thing. And they have high-pitched voices they use to simulate danger encroaching upon their very souls, evil danger that I, only I, can conquer.

But I discovered one thing I can do, one single thing that I can do in absolute peace and privacy and enjoy a personal bubble of at least the size of Rhode Island.

House cleaning.

Also? Give a pre-teen the choice of scrubbing a kitchen floor or entertaining the baby? Guess which one she will pick every time?

I have discovered nirvana. Eden. Heaven. And it is good.

Also my kitchen is spotless.

And then we went out to dinner to watch a friend sing a gig at a local Mexican restaurant wherein my loving fabulous husband insisted I drink a margarita. Ahhh, bliss.

I hope everyone is having as fabulous a weekend as I am!

Going Too Fast

2008-11-07T20:48:00.000-08:00

I just sent out emailed photos to friends and family, and almost every one has commented on how long her hair has gotten. Now while she still hasn't figured out the patented hair-flip gesture, I have to show off just how she can make it fly by shaking her head to music. She's a head-banger, people.

So temperatures have dropped again. It was actually 65 to 68 in the house all day until I got cranky and switched over to the heater to get it warmed up to 70. Our AC is set to 73, so 70 was just chilly enough for me to be comfy. And it's all about me, of course.

The kids were out of school today, so I got 'em this morning and we spent the day playing video games. Well, Chris played on the PC, Bri on the XBox360, and I pretended to work on the laptop, while Kiki cruised from electro-zombie to electro-zombie, trying vainly to find someone interested in playing with simple, mundane, completely non-digital blocks.

And of course Sugar was sooooooo thrilled that the Kids! the Kids are here! The BIG kids, not the scary-miniature-kid thing who bites and pulls, but the Big Kids! Yay! So she was all bouncy, and whenever the kids showed her the slightest attention, that bouncy kicked into high gear, causing her to run over and across Kiki at least 3 times before I announced that Sugar no longer existed and NO ONE WAS ALLOWED TO MAKE EYE CONTACT WITH HER EVER AGAIN.

I know, I know. High-energy dog with sheep herding in her genes, confined to indoor space and not much exercise = ALL MY FAULT. I get it. I know. Call the ASPCA already. I'm fine with it.

Anyway I've already decided the family is spending the weekend cleaning the house. And I'm sending Bri out with Sugar to run her around the neighborhood. I'd send her out with Chris but, umm, I don't think Chris can handle it. He definitely can NOT handle Honey, who is basically a bull on a leash and even Kipp has a hard time holding her back. The funny thing? Honey has obedience training, but Sugar has always been innately leash-trained. Isn't that odd? Honey has NEVER quite gotten the whole leash concept other than it's just to, you know, slow her down a little.

Yes, our dogs are really named Honey and Sugar. We adopted Honey first, and she is honey-colored, and she is actually Honey Bear. Then we adopted Sugar and couldn't decide on a name, and I jokingly suggested Sugar Bear -- you know, the Sugar Smacks mascot, and also with the Bear at the end and the Sugar aspect versus the Honey aspect we already have -- and it just stuck.

Although in the normal course of the day, it's usually Honey Bear and Sugar Booger.

I just noticed that I wrote 21 blogs in October. 21 for 21? Does that count, if just for the irony factor?

Voted!

2008-11-04T17:25:00.001-08:00

We voted! We voted!

Yeah, so we were part of that Missourian crowd who first went to the wrong place and then had to travel to the right one just to vote. Luckily they're only within 2 miles of each other, and 2 miles of us, so it's not like we were running around all over town. No, wait. That IS all over town.

It's a small town.

Okay. Anyway, as we were waiting to sign in, the women in front of us started talking to and playing with Kiki. One of the women then made the comment that she thought it was great that so many people were bringing their kids to the polls. I thought at first, what an odd thing to say, because it never occurred to me to NOT bring Kiki, you know?

Then she continued, "When I was a kid, my parents NEVER took me when they voted. So when I was 18 and voted the first time, I was completely lost."

And you know what? My parents never took me voting either. I mean probably my Mom did when I was a baby, but not when I was older. And also, it wouldn't have occurred to me to take my older kids with us to vote either, but you know what? Maybe it would be a good, educational thing. It's just something I never thought about before.

Anyway. The three of us went voting and we are very proud of ourselves. (I wish the I Voted sticker was clearer; my cell phone is not the best camera.

Happy Halloween!

2008-10-31T20:06:00.000-07:00

First the lion prowls....

Then she takes down Mommy...

And then Daddy!

But how can you resist the cute?

So I took her trick-or-treating (kind of!) to exactly 3 houses: two of our neighbors and our good friend who lives in the neighborhood behind us. She wouldn't do her lion impression at the last house, and did most of her growling for our next door neighbor who is mostly deaf so it was kind of wasted.

Here is where I start grousing about my neighbor. Please skip ahead if you don't like grousing.

Now mind you, I know he means well. He's an older gentleman, he's very helpful when we can't figure out why our backdoor light won't go on or I can't start my car and whatnot. He's also the one who scolds us if we don't keep our lawn mowed. Evidently he also keeps track of the number of people who go in and out of our house. Not that I care overmuch, but you know.

It's just.... okay. I may have blogged about this before, and maybe I haven't, but here it is again anyway. Some time earlier this year or something, I was chatting with him while I was holding Kiki and I mentioned she had Ds. He said he thought something was wrong with her, and made mention that he has a relative with Ds who is now 35 or so but didn't have a lot to offer in that regard either. And then he began to impress upon me that I had to start going to church because more than anyone else, she was going to need a lot of God in her life (I may be slightly paraphrasing, but the implication was very heavy on the pity.)

At the time I tried to put it all aside because he was, after all, regenerating the battery in my car for me. A nice, neighborly thing to do.

Tonight, Kiki and I stopped to visit to say Happy Halloween. He asked if she was walking yet; I said no, but she's cruising and her PT is thrilled with her progress. He then asked if that was all the people coming and going from our house, the therapists (sigh), and I said yes.

He then mentioned his 35-year-old relative again -- he was specific about the relation, but I've forgotten it already -- and somehow we got into the topic of how Ds children used to be institutionalized as a matter of course. He said he couldn't imagine doing that to his own child; they're our responsibility, after all, and we need to step up. So far, okay.

Then he says, "Of course they're more work than a normal child."

And you know, in writing this all down, I'm thinking the conversation wasn't really as bad as I felt it was. I think he was obviously trying to empathize with me. He mentioned on several occasions that Kiki was beautiful. He didn't say anything grossly insulting. But he made several little comments, little ignorant comments that I can't even recall right now, that I might have normally considered innocuous, but they bothered me.

And the thing is, he's concerned about her. That's genuine. And he's also curious about her; that's genuine as well. She signed Thank you to him for the candy, and he was shocked that she was learning sign language. I explained to him about the speech development delay and that signing helps her communicate earlier. He was a little critical of how she signed Thank you -- it's not perfect, but she's 18 months for cry-yi -- but he was still impressed.

I think what bothered me most of all about the conversation is that the whole conversation was about Kiki's Ds and not about Kiki herself. Or maybe I was just in the mood to be irritated. I don't know. He's not a bad guy, all in all, and he means well, and I probably shouldn't bitch about it.

Everyone else loved the costume, loved the cute of Kiki, and made no mention of Ds at all. Which I think is as it should be, right?

I have this thought sometimes, and maybe it's all part of the grandiose dreaming that parents do about their children, but it brings me a sense of comfort and pride. I think sometimes that all of us were brought into this world to touch others in some way. I think sometimes that Kiki's touch on people will be profound; it certainly has been so on her parents, after all.

When I was a child, I used to wander the neighborhood and visit with all our neighbors. I knew everyone on our street; not the kids, but the adults. I would go and visit with them for long periods of time.

I have this thought that Kiki may be the same. I have this thought that our next door neighbor may be one of the ones she visits the most, and that there may be a strong bond between the two of them that changes the shape of both of their lives. I have this thought that Kiki may have a profound effect upon him and everyone near us.

But that's as may be. I'm still struggling very hard to learn to live in the present, moment by moment as it were. It's not easy for me. I think I'd have been a soothsayer in a different time, as much as I love to live in alternate futures.

The Best Laid Plans

2008-10-30T21:15:00.001-07:00

Doesn't it look like her Rody is making bunny ears behind her? Silly Rody.

I had a list of topics I was going to address for the 31 for 21. I was going to have a fresh photo for every entry. Where has the month gone?

By my count, after this post, I will have to write 11 more posts to have 31 posts for October.

Ha! Ha! Ha!

So since that is obviously not going to happen and it's maybe slightly possible I'll post a costume picture tomorrow late at night MAYBE before the strike of midnight on November -- good lord! -- I will just have to give a quick update of events round these parts.

Kiki is now seeing her OT weekly. Starting today! We started working on puzzles today.

Mom is leaving AZ tomorrow and heading our way!

We took the kids to Spooktacular at the zoo last weekend and Kiki did the same thing she did last year: stayed awake and alert and quiet for the whole duration. She did her lion roar for at least four people.

It's gotten cold fast round here. Too fast for me to keep up, clothes-wise. It turns out though that Kiki still fits in most of her winter clothes from last year. Which relieves me financially, but then gets me all nervous maternally. I know she's fine; the doctor keeps assuring me she's fine. This time last year, Kiki was in the 50th and 75th percentile for her weight and height. Now she is somewhere around the 15th and 25th.

Then I remind myself of the first time I went to the DSGO meeting, and Kiki got to play with babies her own age for the first time. And compared to the other kids even 6 months older than she was, she was a MONSTER baby. So all things considered, she's completely okay. For the record, a few weeks ago she weighed 22 pounds and was 32 inches long.

She and Honey Bear (my dog, the corgi mix) have become playmates. Honey actually lets Kiki maul her quite patiently and nudges her playfully in return. Sugar, the blue heeler mix, still stays as much out of range as possible. You can see the look of irritation on her face when HER ears get pulled.

And let's see. What else? Kiki is beginning to string words together in sign language. She does "food please" when she gets hungry; and I know she's hungry because like clockwork, it starts happening right around meal time (we're pretty scheduled around here which completely blows me away.)

And that's all I can think of in the time limit I gave myself. :) Back to work with me!

Hmm

2008-10-26T09:52:00.000-07:00

I just noticed that in all of Kiki's photos, it looks like she has brown eyes.

Her eyes are actually blue and appear to be slowly changing to green. They're more blue or slightly more green depending on what she's wearing (though her wardrobe is predominantly pink. Don't ask me how that happened.) She gets her eyes from her Daddy I think. He has one blue eye and one green eye, which just goes to show that he simply can't make up his mind.

I don't know why they look brown in photos though. But I wanted to set the record straight. :)

How Kiki Scared Mommy. Happy Halloween, Mommy!

2008-10-23T20:02:00.000-07:00

Yesterday morning, Kiki was having her usual breakfast of oatmeal and fruit cocktail. Kipp had just left for work. The day was pretty much starting out as usual.

I break up the fruit a little before I put it on her tray to eat. Most of canned fruit is really soft, so it doesn't have to be itty bitty pieces, but I'm generally careful about say the grapes, the cherries, and the pineapple. So I was breaking up this piece of pineapple into two smaller pieces, and as I was putting it on her tray, I thought, "Hmm, I can feel a little bit of the core still on the end of that one. I wonder if it could get stuck in her throat."

And then she swiped it up, shoved it into her mouth, chewed, grinning at me and then froze. Her eyes bugged out. She started flailing around in the high chair, her mouth wide open, her eyes bugging out, and not making any sound at all.

My brain freaked out. I immediately thought of the CPR instructions on the refrigerator, all the way in the kitchen. I couldn't remember the way to give the Heimlich on a toddler. I thought I wouldn't be able to run in there and run back in time. I thought, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God...

And while my brain bailed on all of us, my body whipped into action. Somehow I had her upside down, and I was smacking her back until I heard her cry. I looked, but there was no pineapple piece.

She was crying, but it was really faint. I could hear her breath whistling, wheezing, struggling. I knew I had to call 911. But we have a cable phone and I remember reading that dialing 911 on the cable phone is different but I didn't remember how it was different or why and oh my God oh my God oh my God....

While my free hand casually swooped up my cell phone and dialed 911 and spoke clearly and slowly to the operator on the other end about my daughter is choking, she is 18 months old, it was a piece of pineapple, yes she is crying but she is still struggling.

And while I'm talking and holding Kiki, I somehow find myself in the kitchen, staring at the CPR how-to stuck to the side of the fridge for just this type of "it could happen" experience. They connected me to the emergency at Cox and at some point in this conversation Kiki's wheezing had stopped and she was screaming full volume. That's a good sign, right? I asked. The EMTs are on their way, I was told.

Now we live maybe 30 seconds from the fire station. If that. I paced a little, still holding Kiki. I tried to sit down, but she started squirming, wanting to get on the floor and play. So I got up, still holding her, and picked up the living room. Then I put her pajama bottoms on, and took us both out onto the front porch to wait for the emergency guys.

When the first response got there, I walked down the driveway to meet them, Kiki and me, both barefoot and in our jammies. I said hi. They said hi. We exchanged a few other things, and then the young woman said, "Why don't we go inside where it's warm?" which is when I noticed they were both wearing thick coats. Are they called flak jackets? Who knows. I didn't feel the cold at all.

So we went in. I sat down, Kiki in my lap, and the young woman tried to listen to Kiki's lungs with a stethoscope, and Kiki kept swatting her away. Then the ambulance showed up. The first response people got their signature from me, swapped paperwork with the ambulance guys, and then the older gentleman who was obviously in charge of the ambulance team squatted down to listen to Kiki's lungs and she spread her arms wide, cocked her head to the side, and cooed at him. Little flirt.

Anyway her color was fine, her circulation was fine, her lungs were clear, her throat was clear, all was fine. It was like it never happened. In fact I don't recall at any time that she even turned blue or purple or anything; if she had, I would have remembered and truly freaked, I'm sure.

The gentleman said, "Must have been a good piece of pineapple."

I said, "I hope she enjoyed it because it's the last piece of pineapple she'll get for five years." And then I burst into tears. Well, I teared up and caught myself before bursting into tears. I tend to do that.

I've been inspecting every poopy diaper since then for an errant piece of pineapple with the full intention of burning the fucker.

And because that was not enough adrenaline for the week, today Kiki tumbled while playing with her dancing bear and started screaming high heaven. It wasn't a big tumble. She fell on her butt from a standing position. I picked her up and tried to comfort her -- she doesn't comfort well when she's crying, she pushes away and struggles and screams louder -- and she actually let me cuddle her. So I thought maybe she'd bumped her head, and I pulled her back a little to take a look and... there was blood all over her sleeve and the front of her shirt.

She'd bitten her tongue. With her 6 teeth.

She clots fast though. I barely noticed the blood pooling on her lip before it stopped completely.

I can only wonder what tomorrow holds for us.

(2) Changes may be coming

2008-10-18T23:51:00.000-07:00

Daddy has taught Kiki how to blow her nose and this is the face she makes when she does it. Honestly, she learns things sooo fast when they come from him. She also now gives zerberts instead of biting because of him. I suppose it helps that he's ticklish and when she gives him zerberts he laughs and laughs, which amuses her no end.

So when Kiki's OT was here, she mentioned that things might be a-changing down at the therapy center. First Steps just recently underwent some bureaucratic office shifting, and they sent out this ominous-sounding letter a few months back about it. It seemed to me from reading it that they were likely to cease all therapy and place existing clients directly under Parents as Teachers.

I remember reacting in panic, and showing it frantically to Kiki's PT and ST, who both reassured me that no one was taking 'em away from us. Just our coordinator was changing (we're meeting her this coming Thursday.)

Well, now her OT mentions that yes, in fact they are considering dropping support for scheduled therapists for most of their clients, and assigning therapists as needed only as consultants to the Parents as Teachers representative assigned to each client. Ack!

Now I have nothing against Parents as Teachers. As far as I've heard, it's a great program. But it is not designed for children with learning delays; from what I understand, it's specifically designed to coach parents so as to keep their kids from developing any delays. Totally different approach, if you see what I mean.

Anyway I'd always known that Kiki would graduate from her therapies and go into Parents as Teachers (and preschool 3 to 5 days a week) when she turned 3, but I am NOT ready for this to happen before she hits 2. She's doing so amazingly well with her therapists! Dammit!

Well, it's too soon to panic, I think. I need to find out a little more and write some letters and drum up some parental outrage as necessary. You know, things I'm not very good at.

*sigh*

Almost caught up!

2008-10-18T08:49:00.000-07:00

You know, here's the thing. I can't help but admire Sarah Palin. I don't like her politics, I don't like her mob rousing, but I have to give her enormous kudos for being out there.

I remember what I was like when Kiki was Trig's age. Her first year was easily the most rawly emotional and overwhelming year of my entire life. In my heart I don't believe that Palin is using her son as a political platform (I think McCain and his campaign are, but that is incidental). In my heart I think that when she was offered the position of running mate, she jumped at the chance to get into the spotlight, to take the opportunity to make a better world for her son, for all her children. Whether or not I agree with her ideology in that regard is incidental.

The point is that she took action to deal with this very real, very big thing in her life, at a time that I recall for myself being so frightening and surreal. I see her out there cutting ribbons on the opening of a dwelling for adults who have Ds. I see her out there meeting with people and families of people who have Ds, connecting, and I can imagine that it gives her hope, strength, fortitude -- all the things that she is then returning by having Trig in the spotlight, showing him off with pride and love.

So. My anger just sparked off because of McCain during the debate, turning her life into a political platform when he himself has no clue, as evidenced by his apparent inability to distinguish autism from Ds (yeah, I read all the spin later about his "apparent" slip. Whatever. I am not so convinced.) I directed that at her, but that's all McCain. Gah.

Okay. I'm done talking about politics.

In our own current news, I have to report that the Your Baby Can Read program is a big hit around here. Kiki LOVES watching the videos. And she recognizes "clap" and "arms up"! I am so not making this up. I'm hesitant to call it really reading, but on the other hand... she responds when she sees the words, before she hears them, so...

(I just noticed it's out of stock though...)

Once a day I watch the video with her, and once a day I let her watch it alone. At the very end of the video there's a section that begins with a young girl saying, "Parents, show this section occasionally to your children."

I swear, if you're in the other room barely paying attention, it sounds like she says, "Parents occasionally show deception to their children."

Which may be true and all, but don't tell her that NOW! Sheesh. She'll figure it out when she's a teenager, and I'll deal with it then.

(3) To be fair

2008-10-16T21:50:00.000-07:00

I realize I've sort of been on an anti-Palin rant the last couple of days. I'm not really anti-Palin as much as I am anti-Palin-McCain-policy-politics-whatever.

But to be fair. I read this blog entry: Blessed Chaos: Courage and Sarah Palin, and it rang true with me as well. Under all the campaigning, I know Palin is a mom dealing with a new child and a new world. I remember how that was. Hell, I still feel like that.

I honestly don't know how she's doing it, but she is. And that is strong. And I think that from now on, I'll stick to disagreeing with her politics and mud-slinging and mob rousing and leave alone the whole other issue.

I feel so up and down about that whole part of it. Part of me wants to connect with her, based on what we have in common. The other part of me is suspicious of her, and that suspicion just makes me... angry. At her, at me, at the world, I don't know.

But this is why God invented therapy, yes?

(2) Something new every day

2008-10-16T19:29:00.000-07:00

Hyperflexible children apparently think this is a comfortable sleeping position. Personally, it makes my hips ache just thinking about it.

Learned something new from the Patricia Bauer site. ~~I had honestly never heard of~~ People First Language before. Or maybe I had and just didn't pay attention. That is entirely possible. Well, now I am learning as much as I can about it. Better late than never, what?

*Ooh, yes, I'm familiar with People First language. Just had never heard the term before.

I'm still learning to use it consistently and properly. Stopping to think about what you're saying does have an impact on your mindset. I'm not perfect at it, but I'm trying.

As for Sarah Palin not using People First language and being judgmental of that because I myself am still trying and made lots and lots and lots of mistakes when Kiki was as young as Trig is, I can only say this... I haven't put myself in a position where I'm trying to be some kind of champion in order to get into higher public office. As she is in this position, and she continues to use her family as part of her political platform, she puts herself in the unenviable position of being judged by how well she represents the people she says she connects with.

You know, first you gotta learn the language.

Blocks

2008-10-16T17:38:00.001-07:00

She's now shown off her block stacking skills for all of her therapists as of today! So I had to get pics of her doing it to show off for the rest of the world too.

Since her face is kind of cut off, I'll add another picture.

She and Daddy have a new favorite game. He starts the game by crawling around, chasing her. Then he shrieks, and crawls off, which is her cue to start chasing him. One of these days I'm going to video this game because she laughs so hard while she's playing.

Ohh, while searching for new thriller movies to DVR for myself, I found The Seeker: The Dark is Rising! I thought if I was terribly lucky it might be based on the Dark is Rising books by Susan Cooper. I was right!!! Yay!!!! It's actually pretty good AND it has Christopher Eccleston (Doctor Who!) playing the Dark Rider. Heaven. Sheer heaven.

Finally have some work so no more couch potato for me. Time to face the grindstone.

(3) And another thing....

2008-10-15T22:25:00.000-07:00

While we're talking about politics, the whole health insurance thing... okay. Deep breath.

McCain's proposed health plan would provide $5000 to every uninsured family so that they could go ahead and purchase their own insurance. Great! Except that the plan does not require health insurance companies to cover pre-existing conditions.

This means our family would never qualify for the $5000 because my husband has diabetes. I know this because a couple of years ago I attempted to get us private insurance, and was turned down during the phone call, without even getting any paperwork first, when I mentioned the diabetes. I called at least six large health insurance companies, and even the local hospital insurance programs. Same story all around.

I suspect, but do not know, that the same would be for insuring Kiki.

I do not know enough about "high-risk pools" in "some states" to offer any opinion in that regard.

Also, his health care plan proposes taxing health care benefits provided by employers. Okay, first of all, in my experience getting health insurance through an employer, I still had to pay for it. Not all of it. So let's say I had to pay $127 every two weeks for family health insurance coverage, and the company is absorbing half that cost. That means that in addition to paying $127 every two weeks for my health insurance, I have to pay an addition $30 in taxes (or something). That means I'm paying $4080 a year for the health insurance that everyone else is getting $5000 a year for. So you tell me. Wouldn't you then push your employer to NOT provide health insurance?

That is, of course, unless you have diabetes.

(2) Musings on the debate

2008-10-15T21:32:00.000-07:00

I said before I would not blog about my views on politics. Bah.

We actually watched the debate tonight and while it is fresh in mind, I want to express my thoughts about a couple of key points.

First of all, McCain put Palin up as a spokesperson, advocate, and even expert on disabled children, specifically, autism. It is my understanding that Palin has a 4-month-old son who has Down syndrome. When Kiki was 4 months old, I would NEVER have positioned myself an expert on anything related to disabled children. At 4 months, she was still bottle-fed, slept a lot, burped up, pooped, and then slept some more. Like, um, UNdisabled 4-month-olds.

Secondly, autism is not synonymous with Down syndrome. I know next to nothing about autism, admittedly, but this I know: they are two completely different things. My daughter who has Ds and does not have autism is 18 months old, and I guarantee you I do not "know more than anyone" about autism. Or even Ds.

Thirdly, I do not for a second believe that Palin would support nor attempt to influence McCain to support any special programs for disabled children for the following reasons:

1. They are Republicans. Republicans do not historically support programs for special interests. And disabled children? Are special interest. They're actually a subset of a larger special interest group: children.

2. Palin has the money, the employment-supplied insurance, and tons more resources available to her than, say, Joe Sixpack and Hockey Mom have at their fingertips to benefit their children, disabled and otherwise. I think she's far more likely to think, "Trig and our family are doing exceptionally well without any special help from the government; so can YOU!" than any other response.

3. And I can NOT get past this. Palin supported making rape victims PAY FOR THEIR OWN RAPE KITS. "Hi! Want to prosecute the guy who raped you? Well, pony up the money, honey, or hit the street. Oh, and don't even THINK abortion. You KNOW it's your fault you got raped, so deal with it."

Got to love FactCheck.org. Evidently, I cannot in all conscience blame her for the fact that police chief of the town she was mayor of at the time put this practice into place.

4. A bipartisan board found her guilty of abusing her powers as governor. Hi. This bothers me A LOT (even as much as paying for your own rape kits.) I know she's put together her own report that finds her innocent -- did you think she would write a report that admitted her guilt? -- and I've heard some reports that the state trooper in question is icky. Still, I find this unacceptable for such basic reasons that I have difficulty understanding anyone not getting it.

Gah. Gah. And more gah.

Today, was Kiki's PT appointment. Her PT mentioned that at the last speech Palin gave (or one of the speeches she gave) that many, many parents showed up, bringing their babies who had Ds. I thought that was awesome.

I am happy that Ds is getting the positive attention it is getting. I am thrilled about that. I do not want to appear ungrateful for that.

But.... gah! gah! gah! I feel like I need a shower.

(On a more childish note: McCain and Joe the Plumber sitting in a tree...)

Oh the Horror

2008-10-15T18:52:00.000-07:00

Kipp says this picture of Kiki looks like the creepy ghost girl in The Ring. Heh.

I love October. I think it's because Halloween is my favorite holiday. My favorite holiday used to always be Christmas, but all the traditions I grew up with revolving around Christmas have been abandoned over the years until there's absolutely nothing left. No one's fault but mine; I could have kept the traditions going on my own, but I didn't.

But Halloween, on the other hand, the traditions are easy to keep. Candy for the kids; check. Answering the door; check. Costumes; check. Best part? Horror movies!!!! All! Month! Long!

I think I've watched scary movies my whole life. When I was a kid, Mom and I would cuddle up together, holding a bowl of popcorn, turn all the lights off, and just watch 'em late, late, late. And I'm proud to say I'm well on my way to passing that tradition on to my own daughters; minus the cuddling (neither Bri nor Kiki are cuddlers) and the popcorn (when it's just Kiki.)

While I'm thrilled that Bri shares my love of horrible horror movies, I'm sometimes a little appalled by the ones her mom lets her watch. Don't get me wrong, we're on the same page on a lot of them. Like I don't think her mom would let her see any of the Saw movies. But... there are still a few she tells me she's seen that make me raise my eyebrows. I shrug it off though and don't let it affect what I'll let her watch here. If it's rated R, it's off limits. Period.

Anywho. What I love about October is that there is a veritable buffet of horror movies on all the time, and with DVR I'm in scary movie heaven. I rarely even look at the descriptions of the movies. I just scroll through all the horror ones and mark 'em for record if they're on a channel we get and I haven't seen it before.

So the other day I watched one called The Cradle. I was a little leery of it because the blurb said it was a about a man, his wife, and their newborn being haunted by a child who had been buried alive. Leery because I find that since giving birth, any material revolving around the endangerment of children COMPLETELY unhinges me. For example, I watched one scene in the movie Cold Mountain, the one where the soldiers take Natalie Portman's baby out into the snow and leave him there uncovered while they rape her inside her home. I actually, and I am not lying, went into hysterics, I cried so hard. For the baby.

Of course, I think I had only given birth like 3 weeks before that.

Anyway, I taped The Cradle and then watched it. First of all, Lukas Haas looks like my cousin. Secondly, it's seriously creepy. Third, I spent the whole movie yelling at the tv. Obviously, there's the typical "Don't go into the woods at night, you idiot!" type of coaching one normally gives the stars of such movies (that is normal, isn't it?) but in addition to that there was a whole lot of, "You are too STUPID to be a PARENT!" type of yelling.

Halfway through the movie, I announced I wasn't going to watch any more of it. But I did anyway.

And you know what? I haven't been able to stop thinking about it, days later. It's actually haunting me, dammit.

So because it's haunting me, I have to grudgingly admit that I not only liked it, I think it's rooted itself as a guilty favorite. I actually have to recommend it. YarnHacker, I mean you. I think you would like it. Halfway through you will probably decide not to watch anymore of it, but I encourage you to work through it.

Remember, I introduced you to Dead Alive. You know your life would never have been the same without it.

Disassociative October

2008-10-14T17:29:00.000-07:00

Octobers around here take some getting used to. Kipp always says, "If you don't like the weather here, wait an hour. It'll change." That's never more true than in October (and April. The Saturday after Kiki was born, it snowed. In April.)

The year we got married, it was HOT all through September. People kept telling me it would cool off by October, and I trusted them enough to book the wedding and reception in an old historic building with no air conditioning. Luckily, a couple of days before the wedding, the heat abated, and it was actually a very nice day.

This year it started getting cold in September. What that actually means is that most of the week it's in the 80s or 90s and then suddenly one day it will be 40. Now that it's October, it's about 2 or 3 days a week it's dropping into the cold.

So one night last week, it dropped one night and it was COLD. In the middle of the night, I realized I had to change Kiki into something warmer, and to my dismay it appears that she's outgrown most of her sleepers. The only one that seemed big enough was a deep winter one, which I put her in, and in the morning she was drenched in sweat.

So to be a good mommy, I went out and bought her some long-sleeved pajamas with long pants. They're soft cotton, so they'll breathe, but they cover her up so she won't chill.

Of course, Murphy's Law then dictated that it would be too warm to wear them more than one night. Thanks, October.

That's okay. I know winter is coming. And at least I am now prepared.

I figure I am now 5 posts behind in my goal of 31 posts for October. Is it cheating to post more than once a day to catch up? Well, whatever. I'm going to post multiple times a day on occasion just to catch up.

Besides I have tons to blog about. No really. I do.

Tricksy Hobbit

2008-10-10T18:20:00.001-07:00

I'm cheating. I took this picture yesterday, not today. She's gotten to the age where she knows she's supposed to pose cute for the camera. Or come eat the camera. She's still a little fuzzy on the details.

Kiki has decided that this Outsmart Mama Week. First up. Kipp was scheduled from noon to 9 on Monday and Tuesday. Monday it completely munched my schedule, so I decided I would get up at 6 am on Tuesday and be able to work for a couple of hours before Kiki got up. See, she usually sleeps until 8 unless we get up before that.

So what happens? She wakes up 5 minutes before my alarm goes off at 6. No early morning work for Mommy!

I decide that maybe I should plan to get up at 4. This way, with all the breaks I have to take during the day to tend to and play with Kiki, I should still be able to have work done by 8 pm. So, I set my alarm for 4 am this morning.

She? Woke up at 2 and didn't go back to sleep until 3:30. Now granted, I could have just stayed up at that point, right? Right. I didn't though.

It could have something to do with the teething, I guess. Hers, not mine.

Giggles

2008-10-09T20:48:00.001-07:00

She loves playing with her clothes. And blankets. And anything fabric. She doesn't like being dressed and groomed though. *sigh*

I had the day off today so Kiki and spent time playing, catching up on True Blood, fighting with the water company, and grocery shopping.

By the end of the day, she started fussing loudly. Kipp suggested maybe her teeth were bugging her. Did I mention she now has 6? 3 on the top, and 3 on the bottom.

Anyway I managed to rub some Orajel on her gums and felt even more bumps a-coming, and this time instead of welcoming the Orajel, she slapped my hand away and wailed some more. We dosed her with Tylenol and in 15 minutes she was all giggles again.

Her daddy has a skill for motivating her to climb and stand. He sort of tricks her into thinking she's getting into trouble and she's all over it. And him. She was actually using him as a stepladder to climb onto the couch this evening.

Well, tomorrow is Kipp's last training day in the store and then he's back in his office. He's been complaining about his feet hurting because of the concrete floors but discovered today that if he starts off the day with painkiller, by the end of the day he feels pretty good. Wouldn't you figure he'd figure that out at the end of the week?

Kiki signed Mama today. Three times. Of course this probably means that in a couple of days she'll be confusing it with Drink, but she'll sort it out eventually. Her ST assures me she's processing everything, and everything will sort itself out as she figures it all out.

Of course, now that she's signing Mama, Kipp is trying to teach her Daddy. I was tempted to give him a wrong (and highly amusing sign) for Daddy, but decided that was cruel. Have to be nice to the breadwinner with the achy feet, you know.

Falling Behind (as usual)

2008-10-08T21:09:00.000-07:00

Ooo, I'm cutting the deadline for today close! Didn't have time today to take a new pic, so I am posting a pic of Kiki with her daddy, just a few days after she was born.

Today is our 4th Anniversary. Happy Anniversary, darling! I love you so much. I can't imagine life without you; I don't know how I made it as long as I did before meeting you. You complete me.

Today was Kiki's ST day. She actually babbled for her ST for the first time! (It took putting a mirror in front of her to do it.) Her ST gave me some tips about where to shop for developmental toys and books... TJ Maxx, believe it or not. She says it's hit or miss, but she's gotten some great things there.

I am itching to shop.

Eh, Whatever

2008-10-07T17:27:00.000-07:00

Did you notice that I've been doing an alphabetical theme for the blog titles this month? This month that's supposed to be 31 blogs, one blog for each day, for T21? Did you notice that I totally bailed this last weekend and offered no explanation or apology? Did you further notice that for E today I totally came up with something lame?

Yeah, I'm like that. Hi!

So I'm brainstorming to myself what I'm going to blog for E, and do you know what my diseased mind comes up with? Exit strategy. Empaths. E-Commerce. Existentialism. You know what? I almost blogged about existentialism except that once I copied and pasted the dictionary definition of it, I had nothing to add.

Around here, Kiki is discovering new and different places to put her toys. On top of the couches. In the entertainment center. Tucked into cushions. Bounced off the ottoman onto the kitchen floor. She's also discovered how to open and close drawers. I know this because she emptied one of the drawers in her bedroom and spread the contents all over the floor; but there are no drawers open.

Unless, you know, she's developed the mutant superpowers of Shadowcat. Which is unlikely because she's not an adolescent yet.

Driving

2008-10-06T13:58:00.000-07:00

I can sleep anywhere -- it's a blessing or a curse, depending on if you're the pilot and you're expecting me to keep you company/awake -- and I sleep fabulously in the car. I've always been a car sleeper. When I was a kid and we'd go on road trips -- and all of our vacations were road trips to Oregon or LA -- I'd sleep the whooooooole way. It kinda ticked my dad off because he wanted me to soak in the scenery or something.

Scenery is nice, but if I can't touch it? I'd rather sleep.

Now I figured that all babies sleep in the car. I'd heard stories in fact of desperate parents taking their babies for car rides for the sole purpose of getting them to sleep. I kind of figured it was just a given.

But Kiki? Has never been a car sleeper. She has occasionally slept in the car, don't get me wrong. But unless it's right at her nap time and/or she's exhausted, she simply will NOT sleep.

She likes scenery too. And she loves the built-in car seat in the van because it doesn't obstruct her view out the window. And she loves listening to the radio and rocking out as we travel along.

What she doesn't like, it turns out, is slamming doors. Once a car door is slammed, it's game over for a few miles while she screams her lungs out. Now because we have two older kids who slam doors as a matter of course and then look at you blankly when you say, "Stop slamming the doors," because they don't understand the subtle difference between a slamming door and a closing door, car trips with all the kids in tow has become something of a trial.

Hopefully this, too, shall pass.

Clothing

2008-10-03T18:26:00.001-07:00

I am not a clothes horse. Nor have I any sense of fashion. When I shop for clothes or shoes, it's pure functionality and takes me as little time as absolutely possible. And it ain't often that it happens either.

However, I can't seem to help shopping for clothes for Kiki. I love looking at little girl clothes. I love the idea of dressing her up. Finances being what they are though, I've kept myself tightly in rein. Outfits I've bought her range max out at about $5 (sales at Wal-Mart or the consignment store.)

Shoes are definitely a foreign fashion thing for me; I didn't even start putting any on her until she was 9 months old or so. And evidently I don't know from cute. I bought her a pair of brown Pooh shoes at the consignment store for $3 (perfect condition! not shiny!) and I thought they were adorable. Bri immediately decided they were boy's shoes, and either to get my goat or because everyone is dense, the household sided with her.

They are NOT boy's shoes. Boy's shoes don't have the strappies on the top. They just don't. Do they? But they are brown, they have Pooh on them, and they look a little bit like hiking boots.

ANYWAY. I ended up splurging at a real department store the other night and bought her two rompers and some actual tights (!!!!) They were on sale, because I'm still cheap at heart.

We met Daddy for lunch today at the family restaurant, so I dolled her all up. I wasn't prepared for what she'd look like in a romper and tights though.

She looked like a little girl. Not a baby girl. A little girl. Look how big she is! Look how long her legs are getting!

I admit it. I cried a little. It's back to shorts for a few more weeks until Mommy toughens up.

Addendum: I forgot to mention that I've finally stopped tweaking my template. For now. I go through these phases where I have to change the look of the site, and then I find a template I like, and then I upload it and then.... all my widgets get wiped. Wiped! I'll figure out how to get around that some day. I think this is the 5th time I've had to rebuild my blog roll.

And I'm still adding blogs to the blog roll.

The other thing. One of Kipp's co-workers joined us for lunch. Right now Kipp is training in one of the local stores as part of his overall training on the help desk. Anywho, we're sitting and eating, and doing the whole huzzah, it's Friday, and whatnot.

Kipp says that today went faster for him than the day before. His co-worker disagreed and said the day before went faster for him because it was so busy.

Only he didn't stop at "It was so busy."

He said, "It was so busy, it was retarded."

Right in front of Kiki. I mean, not that she'd notice right now (she's still having a little trouble distinguishing "dog" from "please" so vocabulary isn't likely to traumatize her today.)

I wanted to say something, but I didn't know what to say. Even if I knew what to say, how would I have said it? It was obviously said so obliviously, so casually, so unintentionally. But I mean, Kiki was right there so I have to think, "Do you even know what that word means? Do you know what you just said? Do you know who your immediate audience is?"

It was kind of surreal. I don't even know how else to describe it. I know this isn't probably the right reaction, but even though it initially got my attention -- zzzzzZZZING! -- it didn't really hurt or offend me. I think it was becaue the context was so obviously... umm, weird. I don't know. I honestly don't.

But I do know I passed up an opportunity to advocate. Although in all honesty, really? To what end in this case?

I think maybe I should just buy the poor guy a pocket dictionary.

Bedtime

2008-10-02T18:48:00.001-07:00

Once upon a time, we had a firmly established bedtime ritual. It involved changing into jammies, taking bows out of hair, getting kisses and huggles from Daddy, and then getting the exact same list of songs sung while rocking before being put in the crib for the night. Oh, and then cue the 45 minutes of rain sounds from the white noise machine and it was lights out.

Bedtime is not so peaceful these days.

There's still the pulling of the hair organizers out of the wild head of hair, leaving her looking like a wild child being raised by wolves. But the changing into jammies is now a wrestling match. While Daddy has no problems at all getting cuddles when he gets home from work, once it's dark and after dinner, he has to chase her, and then she waaaaaaaaails and kicks and swats.

In other words, she knows what's coming.

The litany of songs to lullabye her has changed. And she no longer snuggles while she listens. Sometimes she honks my nose. Sometimes she starts dancing. Always she giggles and tries all kinds of cuteness to prolong the pre-bedtime-time as long as she can.

But it's inevitable, and we know from experience now that even if she acts like she's all wide awake and playful, if we let her stay up until 7:30, then all bets are off because now she's over-tired and she will fight sleep for hours at that point, just to let us know how righteously pissed off she really is.

I still haven't been able to get a good look at her 5th tooth, and I suspect that there are others breaking through. I try to get a feel when I swab her gums with Orajel, but I honestly enjoy having my fingertips and would like to continue their existence.

Short post today, I know, but I have work. And hey! I'm still on game for the month! Yay!

Awareness

2008-10-01T13:04:00.001-07:00

Every time we've gone out in Kiki's short life, she's attracted attention. It's obviously common for people to coo over babies in stores and whatnot, but it's immensely rewarding as a parent to bask in that adoration nonetheless. Of course I'm a complete idiot socially so I've never really quite got the hang of responding gracefully to attention. When I'm told she's a beautiful baby, my quasi-socially-aware responses range from "Thank you" to "Well, we think she's a keeper." (I'm not even joking. I've said that. More than once.)

I never quite know where to go from there. Do I engage in conversation? The worst is when they have kids too; I usually compliment their children as well, because it seems rude not to reciprocate, but I always feel like it sounds so lame even though I swear I'm sincere.

On exactly two occasions in her entire life, strangers who have complimented her went on to mention that they had a family member who has DS (one had a granddaughter the other was a niece). Both times it took me completely by surprise. The first time it happened was the first time it had occurred to me that other people might *notice* she has DS; the second time because I'd forgotten since the last time that people might *notice* she has DS.

For some reason each instance set me to thinking that maybe, maybe every compliment she gets is really some kind of half-pitying encouragement, some way of saying, "If we tell you she's beautiful, that will lift your spirits and maybe help you get through another day."

And when I get to that point, I actually have to laugh at myself. For one, when strangers tell me she's beautiful, it does lift my spirits and makes me feel fantastic. And other than an overly active hindsight imagination, I've never had the impression that anyone offers me any pity. The compliments have always come from people who interact with my child; they flirt with her and she flirts back, and they are pleased. I've seen this same interaction between small children and strangers my entire life; countless times, I've been the stranger charmed by a child.
There's no difference when it's my child.

It does remind me though of an instance when I was pregnant. I remember one of my friends gushing to me that she had seen the cutest DS baby the other day at the store. I knew she was sincere, and I knew she meant all the best by it, but whether it was hormonal at the time or not, I remember being mostly struck by one thing: she hadn't seen the cutest baby at the store; she had seen the cutest DS baby at the store. She had classified the child by his/her disorder even in the same breath she was using to be complimentary. I mean even when people are talking about puppies, ie, "I saw the cutest puppy at PetSmart today!!", they don't generally mention the breed of puppy unless asked or because they've got a certain inclination towards that certain breed.

In summary I guess I should give her the benefit of the doubt and assume because of unborn Kiki's DS that she had an inclination towards it. But at the time my thought was, "How many people will go home after meeting Kiki and say the same thing? Will Kiki spend her entire life being that DS girl someone met or knew?"

Sometimes I don't know if I'm being ultrasensitive or not sensitive enough. I guess at the end of the day I can only be honest about how I feel or what I think and go from there.

Things Change

2008-09-29T08:16:00.000-07:00

I was watching educational* TV this morning with Kiki and heard this quote. It strongly appealed to me, so I wanted to share it.

Making the decision to have a child is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body. -- Elizabeth Stone

I was thinking today about all the changes Kiki has gone through in her almost 18 months of life. I remember the day we first brought her home, how nervous and anxious I was, how sweet and peaceful and trusting she was. It struck me how 18 months later even though she is now rambunctious and active and vocal and willful and curious and explorative, she is still so sweet and so trusting.

There are times I feel like I can't even trust myself, times when I'm just about at the end of my rope and I have to put her in her playpen and walk away for a few minutes, and even at those times, her trust is liquid and implicit in her eyes. She has absolute faith in my best intentions; she knows to her very depth that she is safe with me (even if she may disagree loudly and wailingly about my insistence that it is not her God-given right to pull my hair and toss my glasses across the room.)

There are so many big things, big changes, but so many small ones too. Cutting her nails, for example. That was one of the big things I'd dreaded because I'm scared to death to even cut the dogs' nails. I'd read and heard suggestions like using a regular nail clipper instead of the ones intended for babies (because you already know how to use those, so you'll be more confident) or waiting until she's asleep before attempting the procedure so there won't be any fighting.

It turned out to be a nonissue. She never fussed or fought while I clipped her nails. She'd watch, calmly and quietly, while I conducted the procedure. I always used baby clippers, the ones with the magnifying glass on 'em (which is, by the way, utterly useless. I never have actually used the glass.) And it was a once a week thing (or sometimes twice a week, depending on how fast they grew) and every time, there was never a problem.

That, too, has changed. For the past few weeks, she will not sit still for it. I've had to do a couple fingers at a time over a couple of days just to get them all clipped. She fusses, she squirms, she wrestles. She's been doing this when I dress her too. She's always done it when I muck with her hair, but now every aspect of attending to her (with the exception of bathing) has become a battle. Diaper changing is still calm, unless I change her anywhere but the diaper changing station on her Pack and Play (and I KNOW she's too heavy for that thing by now).

I'm sure it's a natural phase, exerting her will and finding herself and whatnot, but man, it's exhausting. I thought it was supposed to happen between 2 and 3, not 1 and 2. Gah!!!

At this point, I think it's time to start teaching her to dress herself. I'm not quite sure how to go about doing that exactly, but I think we'll both figure it out.

She used to grab the spoon from me and put it in her mouth by herself, when I first started her on solids. Now she has no interest in grabbing the spoon, and when I prompt her to take it, she sticks it in her hair and then tosses it to the dogs. So I'm guessing I'm going to have to arm myself while I do this feedin thing with about a dozen spoons, the dogs in the bedroom, a tablecloth under her high chair, and about 5 bowls of small amounts of food. And seven towels to clean up.

Yeah. I prefer the cleaner milestones. But she's always so much happier when she's accomplishing something, when she figures something out, when she's doing something on her own.

Oh! So to try to get her to start cruising, her PT had started this game with her. She would put a toy on the edge of the loveseat to encourage Kiki to pull herself up to a standing position in order to get it. Then she would move the toy a little ways down the loveseat, to get her to cruise over to grab it. Kiki would instead drop to the ground, crawl over, and pull back up to a standing position.

So this morning after breakfast, I was watching her play. And she picked up a toy, carried it over to the loveseat, pulled herself up to a stand, and put the toy on the edge of the loveseat. Then she picked the toy back up, and threw it so it landed at the back of the loveseat. She pondered that for a second, then dropped to the floor and repeated the process.

Then? She nonchalantly cruised from one end of the loveseat over to the other end to reach for both the toys she'd tossed out of reach.

This is me, still wishing I had a video camera surgically installed in my forehead.

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*It was Outer Limits on SFC. Hey, I learned something. That makes it educational.

Mind of Her Own

2008-09-28T20:12:00.000-07:00

Okay. So Kiki has decided that patting her leg for dog is too mundane. She has now decided that dog? Is patting her chest. She is adamant about it. She refuses to budge on the topic no matter how often we try to correct her.

I think she is also making up her own signs. At first I just thought they were new gestures, but she makes the same gesture repetitively and in the same context. Well, however you might define context. At various points during the day she will stop whatever she is doing, catch my eye, smile winsomely, and place both hands on her chest. I don't know if she's saying she's happy or she loves me or she just pooed. Well, I'm being facetious; it's obviously not the latter (I've checked.) It means something to HER, obviously. I wonder how frustrated she's feeling that I'm not getting it.

She's probably just saying "Dog" in a new differently wrong way to get my goat.

This weekend she got tired of stacking evidently and preferred to either hand me the toys or bang them together. I'm pleased she's handing things over though; that's a big step! I'm trying to teach her please this way. Of course it's only been since I've been teaching her please that she's changed her mind about how to sign dog.

This happens a lot. When she's mastered something -- what does a lion say, for example, or signing dog -- when we try to expound upon it, teach her a different thing that is somewhat close, she gets the things confused. For example, when she mastered "What does a lion say?" we tried adding "What does a sheep say?" because she'd been making "ba ba ba" noises independently.

Well, what happened at first was that we got a lion and a sheep, and then a lion and a demonic sheep (growling the "ba ba ba") and then only a lion for a loooong time. Now we've gotten the demonic sheep back at last, which is making me rethink dressing her as a lion for Halloween. C'mon, what's scarier than a demonic sheep?

Of course the whole family has gotten behind the lion thing and decided to make it an Oz theme. Bri is going to dress as Dorothy, which blows my mind because that means she's actually willing to dress up like a GIRL!

Chris however refuses to be either a scarecrow, tin man, or flying monkey. He's decided he wants to be a red ninja. I don't know either. We've tried explaining that red isn't exactly a stealth color, but Chris kind of sees things his own unique way.

When we suggested he dress as Toto, Bri changed her mind about being Dorothy and wanted to be Toto instead. Arrgh. Kids are tough.

Anyway, it's a nice thought for me and Kipp to consider dressing as a tin man and a scarecrow -- he's OBVIOUSLY going to be the scarecrow -- but I doubt we'll pull that one together.

Grandma and Grandpa got Kiki an after-surgery gift -- a V.Baby video gamey kind of thing. The first night Kiki showed an interest only in the receiver, not in the controller. Now she plays with the controller gleefully but hasn't quite made the connection that what she's doing is having an effect up on the TV screen.

And Daddy bought her a chair tonight. I thought a simple, you know, chair. I should know better; if I'm thinking simple and functional, I need to go out and get it myself before EVER mentioning it to the Daddy. Because the second Daddy was unsupervised, he went out and bought a cushy Dora chair that plays music.

Kiki won't sit in it. She prefers to sit in front of it and look at it. And, you know, dance.

Also discovered this weekend that the built-in car seat in my van? That Kiki has ridden in exclusively for the past week or so? And loved to distraction? Umm, well --

We decided to go out as a family this weekend to a old car expo thingie they were having in the next town over at a strip mall. Papaw's band was playing for the last time this season, and we had to catch it. So, we loaded up everybody in Daddy's car, which meant Kiki had to sit in the old-not-the-van-car seat.

She SCREAMED the entire way. SCREAMED. Inconsolably. So I think the lesson here is -- when she finds something she REALLY and OBVIOUSLY loves, don't try switching it with something else.

If only we could take the van seat and put it in Daddy's car. Of course, it wouldn't then be exactly safe or anything. Oh, sure, you could say, "Well, just do family outings in the van! Duh!"

My van's windows don't roll down. There's some kind of malfunction. Oh, sure, you SAY fix it, as if that's an obvious... um, fix.

Yeah, maybe we should.

And in Washington...

2008-09-26T17:58:00.001-07:00

I'm not terribly political (meaning I know what I think I know and I feel strongly enough to argue about it even if I look foolish doing it but I will spare you all because I save it up for my phone calls with Mom) but I think this is a good thing.

The Kennedy-Brownback disability diagnosis bill passed. Patricia Bauer does a write-up on it here. (I can't believe I just found Patricia Bauer like yesterday. I live under a rock.)

And no, I steadfastly refuse to post one single word about Election '08.

No, I mean it.

NO!

(Did I mention that Kiki has a crush on Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert? I did? Well, the crush continues. If she could vote, and they were running mates, she would vote for them.)

(I think I would too.)

And now a challenge for Mommy!

2008-09-25T17:46:00.000-07:00

I'm going to participate in 31 for 21 next month, Down Syndrome Awareness Month. It's basically a challenge to post every day in October. Check the link for more information. I'm actually committing to something! It's a miracle! And you know what else? Just to make me really step up? I'm going to try to post a new picture every day along with the post. (Because I'm never happy unless I've risen the bar too high on myself.)

So this morning I was playing with Kiki. Her OT had mentioned that now that she knew how to put in, stacking was the next step. We've also been working on honing the put in, trying to put things into smaller receptacles. So far she's mastered a box and a cup. We're working on her giraffe toy too.

I decided to take a break from put in and play with stacking. She has a set of Baby Einstein blocks and a set of different sized cups that stack on one side and fit inside each other on the other side. I stacked up two BE blocks, counting them as I did it, then put a cup on top. She knocked it over. We did this a few times, and on the 4th time, she reached for the cup as I did. I got it first and stacked again. She knocked it over.

I stacked the blocks, then this time let her get the cup instead of me. She picked the cup up and then very deliberately placed it right on top of the stacked blocks. I was so excited that after I'd stopped cheering and whooping and doing it over and over again, I texted all three of her therapists to brag.

And? I think she's learned the sign for please. This afternoon after being scolded for pulling my hair (again!) she rubbed her chest then signed for a drink. So either she made up a sign for I'm sorry, or it was please, or it was Mommy reading more into a gesture than was there. Either way!

I am just walking on air today. I'm so proud of my baby. :) (I do wish she'd stop pulling my hair though. And she doesn't just pull it. When I'm sitting on the floor, she stands up, grabs a handful, then quickly drops to her bottom. She's already pulled some out when I wasn't quick enough on the uptake to drop with her instead of staying put.)

Well, come on. You KNEW the blog had to end with whining.

More tricks

2008-09-24T07:49:00.000-07:00

Oh, the games that can be played repetitously for hours!

"Where's Kiki?"

"Say Hi!" Why I say this when I'm taking pics, I don't know.

This is signing for drink. It's subtly different than a wave.

"How big is Kiki?" Soooooooo big!

I'm not sure, but I think these mean, "No more photos. Get rid of the paparazzi!"

Standing room only

2008-09-23T20:33:00.000-07:00

She's pulling herself up on everything to stand up. The evidence?

In her bedroom.

In her playpen. (I'm not torturing her. She just wants out. And I have to have some pics of her crying. My mom used to take pics of me crying. It's a family thing.)

On her mommy.

At the doctor's office!

Still more photo entries to come! Making up for lost time! :)

Before & After

2008-09-22T07:51:00.001-07:00

Finally I present to you the before and after eye surgery photos!

Three days before her birthday.

Four days before the surgery.

One day after the surgery. The reason her eyes are so dark is because of the blood in them.

And.... drum roll please.... pics as new as last night!

Getting ready for next month

2008-09-18T20:12:00.001-07:00

Got this from Big Blueberry Eyes. Parenting.com is showcasing photos of babies with Trisomy 21 in preparation for Down Syndrome Awareness month in October. I submitted some photos of Kiki and realized as I did so how far behind I am in processing some updated photos of her!

I will fix that this weekend!

We've decided that Kiki will be a lion for Halloween to capitalize on her talent for roaring. I can't wait to go trick-or-treating and have her roar for candy!

Doctor, check

2008-09-18T20:12:00.000-07:00

Kiki had her surgery follow-up this morning. I took the opportunity to doll her up in a pair of denim overalls and since it's been cool lately, I even put socks and shoes on her instead of sandals.

The shoes were a shiny red pair that a friend bought her at a garage sale. There's a pair of black ones as well. They've got velco fasteners on the straps instead of buckles, but otherwise they look just like the dress-up shiny gloss shoes I used to wear as a little girl to church or on Easter.

So I put on her shoes, put her in the car, drove off to the doctors, sat in the waiting room with her for a while, then in the exam room for a while. The nurse came in to ask us a few questions and on her way out, she stopped to admire Kiki's handsome little shoes. "Oh," she said, "it looks like she's scuffed them."

I took a closer look because as she is not walking, it is unlikely they could get scuffed. Sure enough, they were not scuffed.

They were chewed. By a teething child who is hyperflexible. Have I mentioned she can stick her big toe in her ear?

So no more shiny shoes until she's cut all her teeth, that's all I can say about that. (GoddessKristin, I can only say that I am glad I did not put on her ruby slippers. I'm sure she would have gnawed off at least half of the sequins.)

In other news, she's healing great! I didn't take any pictures of her directly after the surgery because I didn't want to flash her poor eyes. But a week later, all the blood is gone from the whites of her eyes and she is looking straight ahead! The doctor was very, very pleased. My girl is a good healer.

She's getting ornery about sleep time. It used to be she'd go to bed without any fuss at all. Then there were those three weeks where she'd wake up in the middle of the night screaming and she'd have a fever. After that she didn't sleep through the night for a couple of weeks; she'd wake up, sit up, and scream and I'd run up there and comfort her and there was no fever.

That seems to have set a trend. Now she resists bedtime and today she resisted naptime until she was practically passing out on her toys. Honestly. I think it might be the teething. I hope it's just a phase.

We had gone without the nighttime routine for a long time, but now because of her resistance, I've gone back to singing to her before lying her down. It worked tonight, so maybe that's all she wants? If she could only tell me.

At least she's signing for "drink" now at dinnertime instead of bursting into tears whenever she wanted her milk. She still lapses occasionally, usually when I'm not immediately jumping at her request. She seems to have inherited her mother's patience; all none of it.

I don't know if it's related to the surgery or not, but she's become far more fascinated by objects and her hands of late and she bursts into laughter a hundred times a day over things I can't even identify. In the car when she's in her car seat, she bursts into laughter every time the sun hits her face. I can't wait to see how she reacts to rain.

New Discoveries

2008-09-15T06:46:00.000-07:00

I remembered yesterday that my van has a built-in car seat. Duh! So we took it for a test drive yesterday and I think Kiki likes it better than the store-bought one. She's right by the window; she can drape her legs over it; she can touch more things. She giggled for about the first 10 minutes of our little jaunt.

Then this morning I had to make a trip to the bank and I caught her playing shadow puppets in the morning sun. If I'd only had a video camera AND I wasn't driving!

Today is the first day of Kipp's second week at his new job. He's really excited about it; they'll be training him on lots of new systems and OSs. He's kind of in geek heaven. We went out on Saturday and outfitted him with some new work clothes. He looked hottttttt as he headed out this morning! Well, he always does, but being dressed up all sharp is awesome. You know what I mean.

Had rain all weekend and the river flooded again. I think that's got to be the 15th time the river has flooded this year. Luckily we know the backroads and can get around the small bridges leading into our subdivision. Unfortunately, it's such a convoluted detour there's no way to navigate anyone through it via spoken instructions.

And I think that's about all for the updates. :) Hope everyone had a great weekend!

Surgery Update

2008-09-12T10:32:00.000-07:00

We're home from the hospital and all is well. Kiki did great, but she was pretty grumpy after this procedure until I got her into the car, where she fussed periodically until we got home. 1 popsicle, 1 graham cracker, and 1 cup of apple juice later, and she's happy as a clam (and down for a nap for a bit!)

She's oozing a little bit of blood from one eye, and you can see a little blood in the whites of both eyes, but her eyes are definitely not as crossed as before. I think they're still a little tending inward, as much as she'll let me see, but I'm sure that'll differ as the days go by.

And as she was screaming I noticed another tooth poking through on the bottom. The doc said the other day that her entire gum line along the top right side is swollen as well, indicative of a possible swarm of teeth all at one time in the next month or so. Poor thing!!!

But it explains why she's been gnawing on her thumb.

Everyone in the hospital fell in love with her. Okay, well at least the anesthesiologist and four different nurses who came in to enthuse about how beautiful and charming and wonderful she was. She came home with a Princess bear in scrubs. I'm naming him for her. His name is Turk. It would have been JD, but he's wearing a surgeon's mask, so.

When Kiki can talk, she can rename him. She'll probably name him Jon or Stephen after her big crushes. Yeah, after months of enduring children's programming like Dora the Explorer and Wonder Friends to no avail -- she simply would NOT engage with the tv at all -- we gave up, deciding that raising a child who had no interest in tv could be a blessing in disguise.

So we switched back to OUR progamming of choice and discovered that whenever Jon Stewart or Stephen Colbert -- ESPECIALLY Stephen Colbert -- came on, she'd drop whatever she was doing and become absolutely spellbound.

Well, she's got good taste anyway. And now we'll see what she thinks of them with her new Kiki Vision (tm)!

More signs!

2008-09-08T07:59:00.000-07:00

Add "drink" and "dog" to her new signing vocabulary. The kid is on a roll!!!

Of course when we respond to "drink" by giving her the cup, she just grins and tosses it across the room. So it's highly likely that she thinks the sign for "drink" really means "You've been PUNK'D!"

Now to teach her "please" and "thank you".... or am I pushing things a little? :)

Put! Put!

2008-09-05T15:31:00.000-07:00

She's got it! She figured out "put in" a couple of days ago. It's still a little haphazard, and she doesn't as much "put" as "slam dunk", but by Jove, she's got it! I can't wait to show her off to the OT! (Although her PT was so excited by the new trick that she threatened to tell the OT ahead of me. I love that all her therapists are so committed to their charges that they talk about them with each other as if they were their own kids. I really love this program!)

She's become addicted to "This little piggy." If she's sitting on our lap or chest cuddling, eventually she will stick one of her little feet in our faces. If we're sitting within reach, she'll grab one of our hands and put it on her toes. Regardless of technique, she'll then look at us expectantly and grin hugely as we gamely begin recitation of the piggies' current carryings-on.

She's fine-tuning her signs. It used to be that "all done" was simply throwing her hands up in the air. Now she does it accurately, twisting her hands at the wrist. She's also learning "ball". We're working on building her vocabulary, and it's coming along.

She's also playing Peek-a-boo like a pro, and even plays it with her reflection in the mirror. We're still trying to catch one of her play sessions with her reflection, but she's too aware of her surroundings. When that camera comes out, bam! She's on it! Little diva.

She's also getting better at baa baa for the sheep, and being able to distinguish us asking for a sheep vs. a lion. It's still a little confusing for her, but you can tell she's trying!

And she is climbing over EVERYTHING. She's not travelling yet -- is that what they call holding onto furniture and walking along it? -- but she's starting to show an inclination in that regard. I think she may be walking by Christmas... but then I could be wrong. :)

And that is the current news of Kiki!

I Wish...

2008-08-28T00:20:00.001-07:00

I wish I had a video camera attached to my head. For one thing, it would mean that Kiki would be completely used to it and wouldn't stop doing whatever she was doing that I wanted to film just to try to grab it out of my hands.

She's out growing the living room barricades. We'd thought about getting real gates up at the exits, but we're rethinking that strategy. She gets so excited when she gets past the barricade and gets into the kitchen. She cackles as she scurries across the floor.

And here's where I wish I had a camera. She was so excited to be mobile on the kitchen floor that she crawled full speed right into the table leg. Bonk! She wasn't hurt; she didn't cry. It did make her stop and look around though.

So our new strategy is just to give up on the barricades and child-proof the kitchen. It'll be somewhat cheaper as well.

She's babbling like crazy these days. She's now learning what a sheep says, but it confuses her a little bit between that and a lion. So now her famous lion impression is suffering a little bit, but the demonic sheep? More than makes up for it. She's finally saying Dada, so Kipp is ecstatic.

And I think we're going to eliminate her afternoon nap. She took one today for the first time in a few days and didn't sleep through the night as a result. Can't have that!

I always get anxious when she gets her inoculations. She always reacts to them in some weird way. This time, she's got a lump at the inoculation site. Normal, I'm sure (yeah, just stop me from calling the doctor tomorrow anyway!), and so far not nearly as dramatic as the last couple of times... so, counting blessings and whatnot.

Sure wish I'd win the lottery. 'Course I'd have to play to win, but whatever.

As the world turns...

2008-08-22T20:15:00.000-07:00

First, about the last blog and the only comment I got! K, you're right about me posting about the hypocrisy about the tone of my last entry and the fact that I have the "Ban the R Word" logo on the page.

The thing is, I'm on the fence about whether or not it really is hypocritial. Well, okay, all rationalizations aside, I suppose it is. Rather than really banning the R word, I think I'm more in the "use it wisely" camp. However, there isn't a logo and movement available (that I know of) for that camp so... hmmm. Maybe I should just start one.

I'm leaving the logo for now as I continue to mull it over. I do wish some people would be more aware of the words they choose when they speak. This is one way to bring about some level of consciousness in that regard, even if it maybe (in my opinion) isn't the best way.

I think for now I'll live with the hypocrite stigma. I've lived with worse.

Now, more personally and on the home front, the cough is gone! Hallelu.... yah? How the heck is that spelled? Anyway. And her appetite is back and she's putting on weight fast which is making me cut back on the butter and the cheese.

Of course the downside for HER is that she was healthy enough to get her shots yesterday. I knew she was feeling her old self when she completely refused to be contained. I let her wander all over the examination room when it was just her and me, but that wasn't enough for her. Oh no. She didn't want to be held for her exam either. And she was all smiles and giggles and wiggles while we held her down for her shots until the split second after injection.

And then she got the, "What the ...." look on her face and she started waaaaaaailing. I feel bad for the nurses that always have to be the bad guy. As I was comforting Kiki afterwards, the nurse leaned in to apologize and got a smack for her trouble.

Speaking of the smacking and the biting and the pulling of the hair, Kiki has learned the NO word. Yay! Now when we say NO (with stern emphasis) she immediately pulls her hand back. I'm sure the next thing that will happen is that her first word will be NO, but hey.

I need to get some current pics up, I know! Working on it!

Politically Correct

2008-08-15T21:45:00.000-07:00

I write this wondering if I'm coming from a a sublime kind of denial or ignorance. I don't think I'm going to make myself very popular with this entry. I don't think I've yet acquired the personal experience needed to not be ignorant about this. So please, correct me if I need correcting. Email me or write me a comment.

There is a movement afoot to boycott Tropic Thunder due to its repetitive use of a certain word and the way they’ve used the word in its marketing. Politically, I know where I’m supposed to stand on this subject. I’m a part of this community. I’m supposed to stand with them.

Other than being empathetic though, I’m not quite sure where I stand politically.

People are angry. I think they are reacting the way they are because they deal with this word on a daily basis when it is spoken out of hate and used specifically to hurt and dehumanize specifically the people they love dearly.

It must become difficult after time to separate the people who use the word in a general and casually derogatory sense from the people who use the word purposely to the faces of specific people in public places. It must be become difficult over time to distinguish the laughter of those who laugh at a joke from those who laugh at a person.

I haven’t had this consistent and painfully personal experience to date. Perhaps this is why I’m not as emotionally charged about the subject.

I’m not naïve. I know there is hate and ignorance out there, and I’ve been witness to it on occasion. I’m on the fence however about whether or not bigoted language begets hate or hate begets bigoted language.

The C word and the N word have been censored in our culture. They’re not used in polite company. They’re beeped out on radio and on network television. Still, there is racism and sexism inherent in our country. Hate crimes still happen.

The only difference between the C and N words and the R word currently is the level of awareness. Bigoted and/or sexist or not, anyone and everyone knows those words are offensive and why. The usage of the words is policed, but it hasn’t ended the hate behind the words, has it? Has it even decreased? What will change in the world if the R word is censored?

I don’t know where I stand on this. I know people who throw the R word around thoughtlessly, and these are not people I believe who hate anyone or would ever do anything purposely to hurt anyone.

I believe a word can be used impersonally and without hate, even though that same word can be used in a different context to be an exquisitely personal weapon. Does that mean the word should be eliminated? Is it the word or the actions associated with the use of the word that are the real problem?

I think there is an inherent problem with attaching a stigma to the R word. The problem is, how do you separate the stupid from the retarded, or is there any culturally perceived difference?

Intelligence is measured by IQ. It is not an infallible measure by any means; do enough research and you might even begin to question whether there is any merit in it at all.

Still, historically, intelligence is measured in IQ. If your IQ is lower than 70 (or even 80 according to some interpretations), you are considered clinically and medically retarded. According to the way the system works, the normal range for IQ is 85-115 or 90-109, depending on which interpretation you choose to believe.

I haven’t seen Tropic Thunder, and I've read they haven’t allowed any groups to prescreen it to see how offensive it truly is. However, from the previews I’ve seen, the main players certainly act like they have a lower than average IQ (in other words, they’re stupid). Quite likely, they may even be clinically retarded. Most likely, they are just socially retarded.

But in any event, if they refer to one another as retarded, perhaps they are correct. If they are talking about others being retarded, being as they themselves are apparently lacking in IQ themselves, then that would be irony.

But is it offensive? Of course it is; they meant it to be. There is a certain kind of humor that dances on the edge of decency; it’s supposed to offend us, so that we open our eyes and look at ourselves and our presuppositions and maybe, possibly, just rethink things a little bit. South Park does this every episode about a whole myriad of topics.

Is Tropic Thunder successful in walking the line? I can’t know without seeing it; and then it would only be my opinion.

I know of movies that I believe have done this successfully. The Ringer comes to mind; it has an intentionally offensive premise, but because of the underlying respect in the script given to the handicapped actors in the movie and the handicapped characters they portray, the movie itself becomes a learning piece. The protagonist in the film is the one committing the offensive and bigoted act; he learns something about himself and the people he meant to exploit; he comes out a better and more respectful person. As an audience, we’re meant to make the same journey with him.

I don’t really see anything on that level in the previews I’ve seen of Tropic Thunder, but to be fair, I didn’t care for the previews of The Ringer either.
I’m not going to take a political stand on the movie.

I imagine as the years progress and experience shapes me, I’ll end up adamantly and inflexibly on one side of this specific issue. But right now, I’m not sure that being ruffled and indignant is any way to encourage people to think about particular things. And isn’t that the point of having a mission, to open people’s eyes to a different point of view?

Eye Surgery, Check

2008-08-13T21:59:00.000-07:00

So eye surgery is set for next month, as long as we can get rid of her sinus infection by then. Being as it's a month away, I'm sure that won't be a problem.

She flirted with the opthamologist, who actually picked her up and carried her over the scheduler. Evidently, he's never done that before, or at least not for a very long time. What can I say? Kiki's a charmer.

She's actually gotten really friendly with people these days. Today at the doctor's office, she crawled over to a woman in a wheelchair and visited with her until she was called for her appointment. The woman seemed thrilled with her.

Kiki's mother, however, needs to learn to dress appropriately when she takes her out. I wore shorts and a tank with a built-in bra, and around the house it's totally fine. I find however that it shows entirely too much cleavage when I bend over and/or when the child tugs on the halter strap. So I was reeeeaaaallly self-conscious and cursing myself the whole time.

So, about 30 days and counting. I have high hopes for the outcome, though I'm trying not to. It's just I've heard quite a few testimonials so far that after the eye surgery, other kids have shown a big improvement in their developmental milestones. So, you know, here's hoping! :)